Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today’s
intensly
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intensely
competitive world, most individuals are following their sentiments in education or career. In current society, whether focusing more on
team work
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teamwork
show examples
or solitary work is a matter of debate. I subscribe to the prior argument for some reasons. On the one hand, the idea of establishing a
competition
between students has
gain
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gained
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popularity among schools. To clarify, when a challenge
started
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starts
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between a group of students who are
tempting
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tempted
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to chase their dreams, their endeavour will be increased
drasticly
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drastically
.
This
is
mainely
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mainly
due
the
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to the
show examples
fact that they tend to surpass their rivals, and a biological condition, which sparks by a challenge
then
leads to
adrenalin
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an adrenalin
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rush. The
sitution
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situation
is called
fight
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a fight
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or flight condition.
Therefore
,
body
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the body
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is focused on better
performances
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performance
show examples
.
On the other hand
, in novel methods of
education
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education,
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there
are
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is
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a greater tendency
on
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to
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enhancement of
colabrations
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collaboration
.
In other words
, in these
methods
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methods,
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students may focus on notions that are helpful for a community either
small
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a small
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one
such
as
workplace
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a workplace
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or
huge
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a huge
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one
such
as a country.
Furthermore
, being
on
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apply
show examples
a
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apply
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stress
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stressed
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due to
a
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apply
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competition
will
devestate
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devastate
the
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apply
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health conditions. In my opinion, improving the sense of cooperation will create countless benefits
on
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for
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healtier
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healthier
life styles
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lifestyles
show examples
such
as improving communication,
sense
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a sense
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of
generousity
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generosity
, and developing
cognitive
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cognitively
show examples
.
Although
,
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apply
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competition
directly can influence
on
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apply
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performance, some
collectively
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collective
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trainnig
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training
would enhance
the
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apply
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performance.
For instance
, there has been a direct
corrolation
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correlation
with
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between
show examples
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a healtier
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healtier
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healthier
lifestyle and
team work
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teamwork
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abilities, in
this
respect developed countries
such
as the USA, Sweden, and Australia are the standout examples.
To conclude
, adopting
a
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apply
show examples
healtier
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healthier
life styles
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lifestyles
show examples
are
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is
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indispencable
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indispensable
, in
this
regards
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regard
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teamwork practices could keep them sane.
Although
competition
has its own effects on performance, the insane
condition
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conditions
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that will
consequently
come
is
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are
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harmful, so we should avoid
from
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apply
show examples
it.
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each point naturally follows from the previous one, and that paragraphs are well-connected.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should better summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion in a clearer manner.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed with relevant and specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Improve clarity by eliminating grammatical errors and by using varied sentence structures. This will help your ideas to be more comprehensible.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion well, and there are clear attempts to discuss various aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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