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Band 6.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development
Supermarkets have revolutionized the way people make purchases these days:
while
 in the past, customers could only obtain local
products
, they now can buy various kinds of imported goods from local stores.
While
 I acknowledge the
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
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 that
this
 development brings, I still regard
this
 opportunity as a positive change. Environmental degradation is one of the negative ramifications of having foreign commodities in local markets. Once
products
 are manufactured overseas - thousands of miles away from the exporting country - they need to be transported via ships and, if the area is landlocked, trucks. The problem,
however
, is that these modes of transit mainly run on
non- renewable
Correct your spelling
non-renewable
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 energy sources, leading to increased vehicle emissions
due to
 long travel distances.
As a result
, it exacerbates the existing problem of tackling global warming and increases an individual's carbon footprint. Despite the aforementioned challenges, the availability of food
products
 from all over the world brings not only individual but
also
 societal-
level
 benefits. On an individual
level
, most imported goods,
such
 as exotic fruits (mangoes and tangerines), coffee beans, or even as basic as tea, may be unavailable in a country. Importing those food
products
 into the country is the only choice for making them accessible to a wider public. In the absence of these items, one would have to go overseas to obtain them, which is both time-consuming and not a cost-effective option. On a societal
level
, it can give rise to the opening of new job vacancies for those who deal with trading and import-export practices, reducing unemployment rates to a certain
level
.
Moreover
,
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the influx of foreign
products
 into
a market forces
Correct the article-noun agreement
a market force
market forces
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 local producers to be more competitive, driving them towards creating more affordable and
good- quality
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good-quality
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products
 to survive in
this
 increasingly fierce
level
 of competition, which is beneficial for end-users. In conclusion, the presence of foods from across the globe is not without its drawbacks.
Nevertheless
, the advantages that it brings far outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the essay's quality.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is cohesive, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Think about using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which enhance its overall coherence.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, making the arguments more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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