task2: Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, celebrity
coverage
on social media is believed to have harmful
influence on Add an article
a harmful
children
. I partly agree with the point of view. In this
essay, I would argue that news about famous people
can bring both negative and positive consequences to children
’s awareness.
On the one hand, children
can be affected negatively when being exposed too much to coverage
of celebrities. It is because of the fact that,
Remove the comma
apply
coverage
of famous people
is always plentiful and available on the Internet so children
can easily encounter them when opening their phones or tablets. Dangerously, most of news
is scandals, rumors and sensational news. Add an article
the news
According to
scientific research, the young are not fully mentally developed, so they tend to mimic what they see. As a result
, children
can confuse between fame and notoriety.
On the other hand
, children
can also
be influenced positively thanks to social media’s information of
celebrities. It is because Change preposition
about
people
can rely on fame to convey positive messages. If there are famous people
by scandals, there can also
be people
becoming famous by
their hard work and real abilities. A typical example of Change preposition
because of
this
is Den Vau, a popular inspirational Vietnamese singer and volunteer with many profound songs and charity raising-fund
activities to help disadvantaged Correct your spelling
raising fund
children
.
In conclusion, I partially agree that celebrity coverage
of well-known people
affect
youngsters negatively. I do believe there are both negative and positive sides that information about famous Change the verb form
affects
people
can bring to users on social platforms.Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task adequately and presents a clear position. However, try to expand each point a bit more comprehensively to ensure thorough exploration of ideas. For example, provide more details on how children might be negatively influenced by the scandals and rumors of celebrities.
coherence cohesion
Add more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will help to improve the cohesiveness of your essay. Terms like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the contrary' can guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
Both negative and positive aspects of media coverage on celebrities are discussed, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples, such as Den Vau, are used effectively to support the points made.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite