IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Television is a tool that can be used to learn. Therefore, children should be encouraged to watch it regularly at home and school. To what extent do you agree?

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The usage of Television is
also
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 known for learning.
Moreover
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, people suggest encouraging young generations to watch
TV
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 regularly at home and
school
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. I strongly agree that television can be beneficial for learning tools,
however
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, parental
supervision
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 in terms of time restrictions and teacher’s
supervision
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 of the permitted programs should be considered.
Firstly
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, it's well known that parental
supervision
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 towards their kids on television, or any technological parts, holds a main key for their kid’s development, including the time limitation. Moms and Dads should have some ground rules in regard to the use of
TV
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 by their children at specific times.
For example
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, when I was little, my mom prohibited me from watching Doraemon (a cartoon program on
TV
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) unless I had already done my homework. The main reason was teaching me
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 value of responsibility, in
this
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 case, was doing homework before watching
TV
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.
Secondly
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, some particular videos or movies that students watch at
school
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 are distributed as the most significant factor for their learning, it should be wisely chosen by teachers. With a large screen and high-quality sound,
TV
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 can be a tool to deliver information and knowledge efficiently to students, as long as the teacher’s
supervision
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 is taken into account.
For instance
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, my English teacher used to allow students to watch a video containing native speakers having a conversation.
As a result
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, my English language skills and
Correct determiner usage
those so
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so
Change preposition
of
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 the rest of my classmates were improving.
In addition
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, it's evident that
TV
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 can be an efficient method for student learning at
school
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 as long as teacher
supervision
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 is implemented.
To conclude
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, in my view, the
supervision
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 of parents and teachers towards the time limitation of the use of
TV
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 at home and what extent contents of
TV
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 are allowed to be watched at
school
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 should be taken into account for children’s learning.

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Introduction
While your introduction is clear, consider rephrasing the opening sentence for better clarity and engagement. For instance, 'The usage of Television' can be more effectively phrased as 'Television is often seen as a useful educational tool.'
Development
Expand on the point about parental supervision a bit more to enhance clarity and depth. For example, explain more about why time limitations would benefit children beyond the example given.
Development
When discussing teacher supervision and the types of content shown at school, consider providing a broader range of examples or elaborating on the benefits of different types of programs.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt well, discussing both home and school environments and the need for supervision.
Task Achievement
The examples provided are relevant and specific, particularly your personal anecdote and the example about your English class.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured, and the main points are laid out in a clear and organized manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points effectively.
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