IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #cities #people’s #health
In some people’s opinion
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life in
megapolises
 is unhealthy and living there harms their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
Although
 I admit that in big cities there
are
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is
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 certainly a lot of transportation which exhausts fume and
therefore
pollute
Correct subject-verb agreement
pollutes
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air
Add an article
the air
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, I am mostly of the opinion that in
megapolises
based
Verb problem
there are
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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plenty
prospects
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of prospects
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 for increasing your both life and health levels. Admittedly life in
megapolises
full
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is full
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 of pollution
however
 it is full of advantages and opportunities
of
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for
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versatile
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a versatile
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 lifestyle. Even though the environment in
megapolises
 is not pure, in my point of view you have
full
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a full
the full
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 range of career
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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 and easily can go up with your income. These will
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 be good for your health. Another worth is about relaxation. For
me
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me,
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 it is a more important point when people
could
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can
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 easily attend
sport
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sports
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 clubs or take benefits from big
cities
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cities'
city's
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 entertainment facilities and
also
 might relax with spa procedures. These are crucial for maintaining your both mental and physical health.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 in
big
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a big
the big
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city
Add a comma
city,
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 there is an opportunity for your self-development
whereas
 in
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
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 one it is almost impossible. If
in
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at
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 first there are a lot of museums, art
centers
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centres
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and
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apply
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etc. to increase your intelligence and education, in
second
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the second
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 one you may barely find
such
 variety of places to visit. So I prefer living in
big
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a big
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 city rather than in
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 one or even more in
village
Add an article
the village
a village
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 with clear air and environment.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer if it directly states your opinion: 'While living in big cities can have negative effects on health due to pollution, I believe that the benefits for personal and professional development outweigh these concerns.'
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs to clearly reflect distinct points. For instance, one paragraph could be dedicated to career opportunities, another to relaxation and mental health, and another to self-development possibilities.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to substantiate your points. For example, mention specific types of career opportunities available only in big cities or name particular facilities that contribute to relaxation and health.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the health concerns while emphasizing the benefits of living in big cities.
coherence cohesion
Your argument is generally well-organized and flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
You provide relevant points concerning both professional and personal development that are compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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