IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #cities #people’s #health
In some people’s opinion
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life in
megapolises
 is unhealthy and living there harms their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Although
 I admit that in big cities there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 certainly a lot of transportation which exhausts fume and
therefore
pollute
Correct subject-verb agreement
pollutes
show examples
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
, I am mostly of the opinion that in
megapolises
based
Verb problem
there are
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
plenty
prospects
Change preposition
of prospects
show examples
 for increasing your both life and health levels. Admittedly life in
megapolises
full
Add a missing verb
is full
show examples
 of pollution
however
 it is full of advantages and opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
versatile
Correct article usage
a versatile
show examples
 lifestyle. Even though the environment in
megapolises
 is not pure, in my point of view you have
full
Add an article
a full
the full
show examples
 range of career
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 and easily can go up with your income. These will
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 be good for your health. Another worth is about relaxation. For
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 it is a more important point when people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 easily attend
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 clubs or take benefits from big
cities
Change noun form
cities'
city's
show examples
 entertainment facilities and
also
 might relax with spa procedures. These are crucial for maintaining your both mental and physical health.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 in
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 there is an opportunity for your self-development
whereas
 in
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
show examples
 one it is almost impossible. If
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 first there are a lot of museums, art
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. to increase your intelligence and education, in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 one you may barely find
such
 variety of places to visit. So I prefer living in
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 city rather than in
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 one or even more in
village
Add an article
the village
a village
show examples
 with clear air and environment.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer if it directly states your opinion: 'While living in big cities can have negative effects on health due to pollution, I believe that the benefits for personal and professional development outweigh these concerns.'
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs to clearly reflect distinct points. For instance, one paragraph could be dedicated to career opportunities, another to relaxation and mental health, and another to self-development possibilities.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to substantiate your points. For example, mention specific types of career opportunities available only in big cities or name particular facilities that contribute to relaxation and health.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the health concerns while emphasizing the benefits of living in big cities.
coherence cohesion
Your argument is generally well-organized and flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
You provide relevant points concerning both professional and personal development that are compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: