Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some authorities
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
belief
that cutting-edge Replace the word
believe
technology
has made shopping simpler, while
others believe in the opposite way. I certainly argue that modern technology
has made life tougher and easily accessible to personal information about individual’s
Change the noun form
individuals
individual
especially
in terms of shopping. Add the comma(s)
, especially
This
essay will discuss both views and state my own opinion.
On the one hand, in today's world people
who are
work for long hours cannot find any time to purchase their Unnecessary verb
apply
needs
physically about their homes or personal care. Correct word choice
physical needs
As a result
of this
mandatories, they have been complaining that they cannot manage their Correct determiner usage
these
times
and reach Fix the agreement mistake
time
the
balance Correct article usage
a
about
their personal and work lives. Change preposition
between
For instance
, according to
recent research, doctors could not go the
market for the ingredients in Change preposition
to the
themself
diet but "thanks to today's Correct pronoun usage
their
technology
they easily access the things which they want and eat healthier." they said.
On the other hand
, old people
who
do not know how to use Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
technological devices for their needs and because of that modern Correct article usage
apply
technology
has made shopping harder for them. Additionally
, they are open to treatment from criminals. Nevertheless
, shopping online might lead to numerous law case
about cyber-crimes. Result of the Fix the agreement mistake
cases
thiveness
of personal information, Correct your spelling
thickness
individual's
credit or debit Change noun form
individual
card's
data would be accessible Change noun form
card
for
criminals. Change preposition
to
This
situation certainly causes thousands of mature people
lost
their whole many and never trust Change the verb form
to lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
anymore and they do not prefer to
shopping online. Change preposition
apply
According to
Oxford University's research, the population of old people
in the USA had a significantly
percentage, at 70%, about do not prefer to Change the adverb
significant
going
markets and stores for shopping because they do not have technological knowledge.
In terms of my view, I certainly believe that when these issues occur Wrong verb form
go
people
lost
their self-confidence and it leads to social anxiety. Wrong verb form
lose
For instance
, millions of doctors suggest their patients go to stores for shopping. Because it
has been proved that shopping Correct word choice
It
with
crowded Change preposition
in
place
with other individuals Fix the agreement mistake
places
improve
the emotional intelligence Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
to
Change preposition
of
people
.
In conclusion, in the modern world, technology
present
numerous opportunities for Change the verb form
presents
people
besides
the determination their
trust and causes a lot of law Change preposition
of their
issue
. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
This
law issues
would be harmful to Fix the agreement mistake
issue
people
and cause a lot of case
which could Fix the agreement mistake
cases
determinate
society. Because of these reasons, I definitely disagree with Replace the word
determine
this
view.Submitted by nur.kaya on
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task achievement
Ensure to elaborate on each point more clearly and provide balanced arguments for both views. Enhance the explanations to make your stance more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly, making sure each paragraph transitions smoothly. Avoid abrupt changes in ideas.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and have provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are succinct and put forth a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, despite some abrupt transitions.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.