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Band 4

The plan below shows a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today.

#plan #harbour
The depicted maps illustrate the condition of
harbour
Add an article
the harbour
a harbour
show examples
 in 2000 and the developments of today.
Overall
, the current situation of the
harbour
 has changed to hospitality and tourism.
In addition
,
Main
Change the article
the Main
show examples
road
 has been built to provide two intersections which are to the north and south
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
.
To begin
 with, In 2000 on the north side of
porth
Change the capitalization
Porth
show examples
harbour
, the main
road
 connected to the car park which was a shower and towels above and next to it there was a private yacht called Marina.
Next,
there were two ferries with one deck on the edge of
harbour
Add an article
the harbour
show examples
 which aligned in the way of the public beach. Now, there are renovated places in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 Marina is converted to fishing boats
while
 decks are added into two to occupy
three passenger
Add a hyphen
three-passenger
show examples
 ferries.
In addition
, in 2000 on the south side of Porth
harbour
, the main
road
interconnected
Add a missing verb
was interconnected
show examples
 with a car park and fishing boats on the left.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
at the end
 of the
road
Add a comma
road,
show examples
 there was a lifeboat.
Furthermore
, there was a castle which was discussed and a public beach next to it. Today, the
road
 which is headed to the car park changes to the west with showers and toilets.
Subsequently
,
Marina
Correct article usage
the Marina
show examples
 replaced fishing boats. Along the
road
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
caffe
Correct your spelling
cafes
 & shops adjacent to the lifeboat
while
 there is an additional intersection to the hotel providing a private beach.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow between different parts of your essay. Focus on creating clearer transitions between descriptions of different areas and changes.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but some sentences can be rephrased for improved clarity. Simplifying complex sentence structures will enhance comprehension.
grammar
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and articles ('a', 'an', 'the') for better grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response by accurately describing the changes in the harbour from 2000 to today.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to illustrate the developments of the map, which strengthens the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an overall logical structure with a clear division between descriptions of the north and south sides of the harbour.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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