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Band 7

TODAY MANY PEOPLE WORK UNTIL A LATE AGE. DO ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES. GIVE REASONS.

#people #work #age
In many parts of the world, people still work after their retirement age. Some argue that
this
 would help them to be stable both economically and psychologically,
while
 others say that they should spend their
last
 years of life with their
families
. In my opinion, there are more advantages than disadvantages for the elderly still working.
To begin
 with, Elderly working is of great benefit to
families
 and wider societies. First of all, they become more independent
thus
, creating less burden on
families
 and societies.
Besides
, they pass on their experiences, skills, and knowledge to the younger workers. Some say that
this
also
 concerns countries with problems of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 shortages.
For instance
, in Japan, a major workforce is aged above 65. Employing
this
 age group will bring useful suggestions to the company
due to
 elderly people's experiences and exposures. Even though it benefits a lot, it
also
 has some disadvantages. One major drawback is employing the elderly will hinder the development of the talent of youngsters as fewer job opportunities are available for them.
Nevertheless
,
this
 could be overcome by various organizations by increasing the availability of jobs.
Secondly
, elder people would become less enthusiastic and energetic as they reach their late 60s or 70s leading to the loss of potential ability to cop with technological innovations and adaptations.
Lastly
, since they are in the golden years of their life they should spend more time with their relatives and
families
 rather than having hectic schedules.
To conclude
, the elderly contribution to the development of the country through their work even after retirement age has both negative
as well as
 positive sides.
Submitted by simrangupta98115 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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