IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart illustrates information about the total of attendees for 5 various activities at a specific social centre in Melbourne, Australia over a 20-year
period
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2020
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in the
Film
Use synonyms
Club
Use synonyms
 had the most
members
Use synonyms
 during the
period
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2020.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in the first year, the
film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 had 65
members
Use synonyms
 which was the most figures,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in marital art was 35. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in the
Film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 declined slightly by 5
members
Use synonyms
 in the next 10 years,
however
Linking Words
, there was an insignificant growth in marital art from 35 to 39 attendees. There was an increase back to the original
number
Use synonyms
 in both activities including marital art and
film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 (35
participants
Use synonyms
 and 65
participants
Use synonyms
). Looking at the line graph, there were 15
participants
Use synonyms
 in tennis in 2000, after which the numbers surged to 55 in 2020. In the first 5 years, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in musical performances was zero
however
Linking Words
 it had a dramatic increase to 15
members
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the total of attendees in Amateur had a slight rise in the first 5 years,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, it dropped by 20
members
Use synonyms
 during the
period
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2020 at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, number, participants, film, club, members with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
What to do next:
Look at other essays: