Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
one school of thought holds the view that sport
players succeed by owning physical Change the noun form
sports
strength
, others are of the belief that mental well-being should be more trivial. This
essay will closely scrutinize both viewpoints before concluding that I am in favor
of the former.
On the one hand, it is understandable why some propose the Change the spelling
favour
neccessity
of a strong mental attitude. The key rationale behind Correct your spelling
necessity
this
thinking is that this
provision would enable motivation for sportspeople to practice hard. If an athlete cannot foster a competitive spirit or a diligent attitude, he may lack the neccessary
stimulation to work hard and succeed. Correct your spelling
necessary
For instance
, swimming is not interesting at all as it takes time and energy, and aspiring athletes need to maintain their enthusiasm in order to achieve high rank
. Fix the agreement mistake
ranks
In addition
, mental health plays a crucial role in overcoming failures in competitions. It is inevitable that each athelte
cannot get their desired goals at least once in their lives, so that a strong mind could help them go through Correct your spelling
athlete
these crisis
.
Change the determiner
this crisis
these crises
On the other hand
, I side with those who claim that physical strength
must be the basis of all success in sport
. Fix the agreement mistake
sports
While
most people take up sport
simply to get into shape or to keep fit, those who wish to become successful must be physically strong. Take some physically demanding sports Fix the agreement mistake
sports
such
as weightlifting, boxing or judo as examples, which requires
endurance and Correct subject-verb agreement
require
strength
.
In conclusion, both physical and mental strength
are essential to become successful in sport
, yet it is impossible to succeed without being physically strong.Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in spelling and word choice. For example, the words 'neccessary' and 'diligent' are misspelled and should be 'necessary' and 'diligent' respectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen the points made. The swimming example could be enhanced with more details.
task achievement
Clarify the reasoning behind the opinion in the conclusion. The opinion is clear, but a bit more detail on why physical strength outweighs mental strength would create a stronger closure.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
There is a balanced discussion of both views with a clear statement of the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth and logical, aiding the overall flow of the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite