The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend
In several nations, the workforce has the responsibility to
work
5 days per week. It should be reduced so employees
can get more holiday. I think it sounds good because the employees
will get benefits from the policy plan by the government such
as reduced stress, worker illness and increased productivity.
As apparent, some employees
suffer from stress and several occupational diseases. Workers
start Monday until Friday from 8.00 AM to 5.00 PM with high-intensity
workload from their supervisor. The Correct article usage
a high-intensity
workers
feel exhausted because they don't have enough leisure time to take care of themself. If this
condition happens continuously, it will be easier for workers
to burn out and get ill. By reducing working hours at the office, the workers
can meet their families longer and do sports activities on the weekend which can reduce their anxiety from the workplace and boost their body immunity. Thus
, the workforces feel happier and healthier which enhances their ability to work
.
On the other hand
, when a new regulation is released, it will have a big impact on employees
' performance to finish the
Correct article usage
apply
task
better and faster than before because , for some sectors Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
such
as administration or general affairs positions, the tasks are routine and predictable. Thus
, employees
can prepare to finish the assignment before the dateline
. Correct your spelling
deadline
Furthermore
, the workers
will more focus on their main job rather than side jobs or chit-chat with their colleagues during office hours. So, the workforce will achieve the work
target effectively and efficiently.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that shorter working days will affect better work
performance, increase well-being conditions and higher work
-enthusiasm employees
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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grammar
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can be polished. For instance, 'it will be easier for workers to burn out and get ill' can be better stated as 'workers will be more prone to burnout and illness.' Additionally, 'the workforces feel happier and healthier which enhances their ability to work' would be clearer as 'the workforce will feel happier and healthier, which will enhance their ability to work.'
substance
Develop more sophisticated points and provide additional relevant and specific examples to better illustrate your arguments. For instance, citing studies or statistics that demonstrate the benefits of shorter working weeks on productivity and employee well-being could strengthen your essay.
content
You have provided a clear response to the prompt and developed logical reasons supporting the idea of a shorter working week.
structure
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your arguments are easy to follow, and you've made good use of transition words to guide the reader through your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.