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Band 3.5

In some countries, some people are renting accommodation, while others are buying their own homes. Doe renting accommodation have more advantages or more disadvantages than buying a place?

#countries #people #accommodation #homes #doe #place
In
this
 cutting-edge era, a dream
house
 is an important tool in everyone's life.Most people believe that ,to get an appropriate habitat for their peaceful life.
However
,in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 nations,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 folks are taking accommodation as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rent
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 rest are purchasing apartments.I strongly opine that
rent
Wrong verb form
renting
show examples
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 has more disadvantages than buying a place.
This
 essay will articulate
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of both in detail,
along with
 a relevant conclusion. To commence with,a home provides
safe
Add an article
a safe
show examples
 environment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human being ,Mostly in European countries , individuals take
flat
Fix the agreement mistake
flats
show examples
 for lease.But they do not have any
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
.To epitome,
according to
 my
friend
Change noun form
friend's
show examples
 experience,she took
rent
Replace the word
a rented
show examples
house
 in London ,
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 unfortunately she is not able to save money .
As well as
,there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some rules and regulations to handle every
Correct quantifier usage
piece of equipments
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 in the building.The
house
 owners never allow them to do vegetable farming.
there
Capitalize word
There
show examples
 is no freedom
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
Secondly
,buying land is a big savings in the future.If a person purchases a plot will be helpful for them.By paying
mortgage
Correct article usage
the mortgage
show examples
 they will get more time to extend the loan duration.after closing the loan, they will get the property as their own.
Moreover
,they have to pay less amount as
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 than
rent
 amount.
Besides
 that,they can grow vegetables in their own plot.
To conclude
, every human has an aim to buy a cent to construct their own
house
.
Rent
Wrong verb form
Renting
show examples
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 is more expensive than buying a place.
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
 can control themselves.
Furthermore
,they can start various activities in their plot. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
rent
house
 has more disadvantages than buying a place
Submitted by saniyasunny1848 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more clear and comprehensive ideas. Your points are valid, but they require clearer elaboration and sophisticated language to be fully effective.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next. Transition phrases can help improve the flow of your essay and make it more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overusing commas and make sure to use appropriate connectors and transition words. This will help in making your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
You've attempted to present both perspectives on renting and buying a home.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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