Many people believe that graduating from college can lead to long-term success, while others believe that young people should start working after graduating from high school. From my perspective, it is better to go to college as this will increase their job opportunities

#people #college #success #school #perspective #job #opportunities

Many

people

believe that graduating from college can lead to long-term success,

while

others believe that young

people

should start working after graduating from high

school

. From my perspective, it is better to go to college as

this

will increase their job opportunities On the one hand, there are several reasons to justify the second viewpoint.

Firstly

, as the young have an opportunity to come into contact with different

work

environment

Fix the agreement mistake

environments

show examples

and

people

, they can broaden their

work

experience and develop practical skills

such

as communication skills, and problem-solving skills which can lead them to successful careers and promotions.

For instance

, to become a chef, a young person only needs to learn the knowledge of cuisine

instead

of studying mathematics or philosophy in college. That will help them save time spent on

school

As a result

, the students can

work

more effectively in an increasingly competitive and demanding

work

environment

Secondly

, the young can be financial stability because earning an income helps young age help individuals understand the value of money and learn how to manage

this

responsibly.

Consequently

, they can be more financially savvy compared to their peers, leading to independence.

On the other hand

, opponents of the former view argue that the younger ones should continue their studies. Without a university degree, young

people

will find it challenging when they seek a job because many positions require a high level of expertise and knowledge. In the eyes of employers, they usually prioritize a person who has a high

school

degree which demonstrates that they have academic qualifications in specialized fields.

As a result

, the

people

graduating from the university may approach more job opportunities and lucrative jobs.

Furthermore

, when students take a year off to

work

and earn some money, they will prioritize

work

over education and may begin to consider high

school

to be unnecessary, leading to the rate of dropout and unemployment increase In conclusion, I think both sides have valid arguments.

However

, in my opinion, continuing studies after

school

is likely to lead to greater success for students

Submitted by weezel on Sun Jun 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure there are no run-on sentences and improve transitions between some ideas for smooth readability.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific and varied examples to strengthen arguments. Also, try to fine-tune some grammatical aspects for higher precision.

coherence cohesion

Clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

Both perspectives are addressed adequately with logical organization.

coherence cohesion

Solid main points that support the thesis effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

343 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that graduating from college can lead to long-term success, while others believe that young people should start working after graduating from high school. From my perspective, it is better to go to college as this will increase their job opportunities

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The most important element in a person’s life is their work. Without a satisfying career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others, however, believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to achieve personal ambitions.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some parts of the world, students are required to pass an entrance exam in order to be able to enter university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of passing an entrance exam?