Many people believe that graduating from college can lead to long-term success, while others believe that young people should start working after graduating from high school. From my perspective, it is better to go to college as this will increase their job opportunities

#people #college #success #school #perspective #job #opportunities

Many

people

believe that graduating from college can lead to long-term success,

while

others believe that young

people

should start working after graduating from high

school

. From my perspective, it is better to go to college as

this

will increase their job opportunities On the one hand, there are several reasons to justify the second viewpoint.

Firstly

, as the young have an opportunity to come into contact with different

work

environment

Fix the agreement mistake

environments

show examples

and

people

, they can broaden their

work

experience and develop practical skills

such

as communication skills, and problem-solving skills which can lead them to successful careers and promotions.

For instance

, to become a chef, a young person only needs to learn the knowledge of cuisine

instead

of studying mathematics or philosophy in college. That will help them save time spent on

school

As a result

, the students can

work

more effectively in an increasingly competitive and demanding

work

environment

Secondly

, the young can be financial stability because earning an income helps young age help individuals understand the value of money and learn how to manage

this

responsibly.

Consequently

, they can be more financially savvy compared to their peers, leading to independence.

On the other hand

, opponents of the former view argue that the younger ones should continue their studies. Without a university degree, young

people

will find it challenging when they seek a job because many positions require a high level of expertise and knowledge. In the eyes of employers, they usually prioritize a person who has a high

school

degree which demonstrates that they have academic qualifications in specialized fields.

As a result

, the

people

graduating from the university may approach more job opportunities and lucrative jobs.

Furthermore

, when students take a year off to

work

and earn some money, they will prioritize

work

over education and may begin to consider high

school

to be unnecessary, leading to the rate of dropout and unemployment increase In conclusion, I think both sides have valid arguments.

However

, in my opinion, continuing studies after

school

is likely to lead to greater success for students

Submitted by weezel on Sun Jun 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure there are no run-on sentences and improve transitions between some ideas for smooth readability.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific and varied examples to strengthen arguments. Also, try to fine-tune some grammatical aspects for higher precision.

coherence cohesion

Clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

Both perspectives are addressed adequately with logical organization.

coherence cohesion

Solid main points that support the thesis effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

343 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals, rather than corporations and governments, to deal with this problem. To what extent do you agree?
The climate change is big item in the actually, the planet is died, but everyone have opportunities for change this, in especial the young peole. Why not?
<4
band
the grap below shows the contributio of three sectors-agriculture, manufacturing and business and services to the uk economy in the twentieth century summerise the informatio by selrcting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relavant
The given bar graph illustrates the agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services sectors' contribution to the UK economy in the twentieth century.
7.5
band
A magazine wants to include contributions from its readers for an article called the book that influenced me most. Write a letter to the editor of the magazine about the book that influenced you most. In your letter Describe what this book was about Explain how this book influenced you Say whether this book would be likely to influence other people Write at least 150 words. You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to recommend the book "Azadi-e-Hind" written by Abdul Kalam Azad a renowned freedom activist that encompasses the story of Indian independence.
4
band
Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that many sides of social media holds some poor effects on people and policies.Social networking seems to be a useful tool. Utilizing public network is being required in order to do human's own works
5
band
Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that they have made life more complex and stressful. Discuss both views.
In this day and age of fast technological innovation, the influence of computers on daily life is debatable. While some argue that computers have made life easier and more convenient, others argue that they have made life more confusing and stressful.

Many people believe that graduating from college can lead to long-term success, while others believe that young people should start working after graduating from high school. From my perspective, it is better to go to college as this will increase their job opportunities

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals, rather than corporations and governments, to deal with this problem. To what extent do you agree?

the grap below shows the contributio of three sectors-agriculture, manufacturing and business and services to the uk economy in the twentieth century summerise the informatio by selrcting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relavant

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that they have made life more complex and stressful. Discuss both views.