IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #cars #travel #city #bicycle
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By increasing
air
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 pollution in megacities, many
people
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 are arguing about how to transport in cities. Many
people
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 believe that one of the ways which reduce
air
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 pollution is using
bicycles
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instead
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 of
cars
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.
On the other hand
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, we have some
people
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 who think
cars
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 are better.
First,
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let’s talk about
bicycles
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.
Due to
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 the growing
city
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 and some problems like traffic jams,
air
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 pollution and other things, many
people
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 think
bicycle
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 is the best solution for solving these problems. They said for travelling in the
city
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 you can use a
bicycle
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instead
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 of petroleum
cars
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 which make carbon dioxide. Using a
bicycle
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 is a kind of exercise so you can lose some weight and have a better body. by using
this
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 method we don’t have any unnecessary traffic jams in urban areas which can cause a lot of mental disorders
such
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 as making
people
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 angry or impatient. We have more fresh
air
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. When we cut down on using petroleum
cars
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, we decrease our expense life because we do not pay for gas. But using
cars
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 for transportation has some benefits. Obviously, you can move around the
city
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 faster. Or you can transport a lot of
people
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 with only a bus or another thing. But why do some
people
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 still believe
cars
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 are the best? Mega cities like New York or Tehran are huge so if you want to travel from east to west by
bicycle
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, it takes a long time. But with
cars
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, only takes minutes.
Cars
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 are more comfortable in comparison with
bicycles
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. You do not use energy for driving a car.
Bicycle
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 makes you tired in the long travels.
Cars
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 and
bicycles
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 have their own advantages and disadvantages. You should consider your situation before choosing which one is better for you. Now
cars
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 are the best choice for me. If I live in a small
city
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 or village, I will choose
bicycles
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.
Submitted by ramenosko on

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vocabulary
Try to vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the clarity of your argument. For example, instead of repeatedly saying 'using a bicycle,' try phrases like 'riding a bicycle,' 'cycling,' or 'opt for bicycles.' This will make your essay more engaging.
grammar
Work on the grammatical accuracy of your sentences. While minor errors are acceptable, consistent issues can distract the reader and obscure your meaning. For example, 'bicycle makes you tired in the long travels' can be improved to 'cycling long distances can be tiring.'
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and the two perspectives, making it clear what the discussion is about. This establishes a solid foundation for your essay.
balance
You presented a balanced discussion by clearly articulating the benefits and drawbacks of both bicycles and cars, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
conclusion
Your essay concludes with a personal perspective which adds a personal touch and shows an understanding of context, enhancing the relevance of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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