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Band 6.5

Some people believe that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matter is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #care #employees #dress #matter #quality #work
It is widely believed that
employers
 should not pay too much attention to the employee's dressing style, as the quality of the
work
 performed is truly important. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
 view for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that
employers
 should care about job progress
instead
 of
dress
 codes. One of the main reasons can be that an essential factor in determining the right direction for
employers
 is to always focus on the quality of
work
 being performed by
employees
. If managers prioritize
work
 efficiency over
dress
code
, they will create an environment where
employees
 can focus on their tasks without unnecessary distractions.
For example
, in the technology industry, Apple Corporation has adopted a more relaxed
dress
code
, allowing
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 to wear casual clothes.
This
 approach has contributed to a culture of innovation where workers feel comfortable and empowered to create breakthrough ideas. Another reason can be that an excessive focus on
dress
 codes can negatively impact inclusivity and diversity within the workplace. When
employers
 impose strict
dress
 codes, they may unintentionally exclude
employees
 from various cultural backgrounds who have unique clothing preferences or requirements.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the viewpoint that
employers
 should not be too concerned about
dress
code
Fix the agreement mistake
codes
show examples
.
Firstly
, uniform clothing helps build a brand and public recognition. The consistent use of uniforms by all
employees
 helps express a strong corporate image.
This
 is considered an effective form of promotion.
For example
, Vietnam's national airline, Vietnam Airlines, chooses traditional ao dai as a highlight that customers cannot help but notice.
Secondly
, the
dress
code
 will demonstrate professionalism, class and uniformity. The community easily recognize people who come from the same department in the same company.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, for businesses working in the service industry, uniforms bring professionalism;
therefore
, businesses
also
 score more points in the eyes of customers. In conclusion,
although
 the quality of the
work
 provided is extremely important, I am convinced that paying attention to
dress
Correct article usage
the dress
show examples
code
 will
also
 be of great help to the business.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
While you have provided a structured essay incorporating an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and presented relevant examples, there is room for improvement in coherence. Your paragraphs should have more clearly distinguishable main ideas, followed by fully expanded support. Use cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overusing them, especially when they do not add any logical value to your argument. Strive for a balance between complex sentences and clarity.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented a clear position, providing arguments for both sides of the issue, which is good for a balanced argument essay. However, be careful not to sit on the fence. Make sure to take a clear stance and defend it throughout your essay. Provide a more detailed conclusion that summarizes your key points and clearly states your position. Include more developed examples to illustrate your points effectively, and expand the depth of analysis to achieve a higher score on task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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