IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matter is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #care #employees #dress #matter #quality #work
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It is widely believed that
employers
Use synonyms
 should not pay too much attention to the employee's dressing style, as the quality of the
work
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 performed is truly important. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that
employers
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 should care about job progress
instead
Linking Words
 of
dress
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 codes. One of the main reasons can be that an essential factor in determining the right direction for
employers
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 is to always focus on the quality of
work
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 being performed by
employees
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. If managers prioritize
work
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 efficiency over
dress
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code
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, they will create an environment where
employees
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 can focus on their tasks without unnecessary distractions.
For example
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, in the technology industry, Apple Corporation has adopted a more relaxed
dress
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code
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, allowing
laborers
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labourers
show examples
 to wear casual clothes.
This
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 approach has contributed to a culture of innovation where workers feel comfortable and empowered to create breakthrough ideas. Another reason can be that an excessive focus on
dress
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 codes can negatively impact inclusivity and diversity within the workplace. When
employers
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 impose strict
dress
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 codes, they may unintentionally exclude
employees
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 from various cultural backgrounds who have unique clothing preferences or requirements.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I disagree with the viewpoint that
employers
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 should not be too concerned about
dress
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Use synonyms
code
Fix the agreement mistake
codes
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, uniform clothing helps build a brand and public recognition. The consistent use of uniforms by all
employees
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 helps express a strong corporate image.
This
Linking Words
 is considered an effective form of promotion.
For example
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, Vietnam's national airline, Vietnam Airlines, chooses traditional ao dai as a highlight that customers cannot help but notice.
Secondly
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, the
dress
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code
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 will demonstrate professionalism, class and uniformity. The community easily recognize people who come from the same department in the same company.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, for businesses working in the service industry, uniforms bring professionalism;
therefore
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, businesses
also
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 score more points in the eyes of customers. In conclusion,
although
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 the quality of the
work
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 provided is extremely important, I am convinced that paying attention to
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dress
Correct article usage
the dress
show examples
code
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 will
also
Linking Words
 be of great help to the business.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
While you have provided a structured essay incorporating an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and presented relevant examples, there is room for improvement in coherence. Your paragraphs should have more clearly distinguishable main ideas, followed by fully expanded support. Use cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overusing them, especially when they do not add any logical value to your argument. Strive for a balance between complex sentences and clarity.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented a clear position, providing arguments for both sides of the issue, which is good for a balanced argument essay. However, be careful not to sit on the fence. Make sure to take a clear stance and defend it throughout your essay. Provide a more detailed conclusion that summarizes your key points and clearly states your position. Include more developed examples to illustrate your points effectively, and expand the depth of analysis to achieve a higher score on task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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