It is thought by some that its is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction

Some

people

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argue that living in the inner

city

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is ideal

while

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others argue that living outside the

city

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is better. I believe that living in urban

areas

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offers some benefits, but residing in rural

areas

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is better.

Body paragraph 1

Individuals living in the

city

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have more access to high-paying job opportunities. Employees working in the financial industry receive high salaries and bonuses working in the

city

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compared to the countryside.

For instance

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, studies have revealed that

people

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employed in the banking sector received higher salaries compared to those working outside the

city

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This

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shows the financial opportunities available to

people

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employed in urban

areas

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Furthermore

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, a major benefit of living in the

city

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is the proximity of shops. There are multiple shops

such

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as convenience stores, restaurants and barbers within a short distance of each other.

This

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removes the need for

people

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to take cars to shops.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, there are several benefits to living in rural

areas

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Firstly

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, neighbours are familiar with each other.

This

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allows for cooperation, tolerance and reliance. If a neighbour is in trouble, they will rally around each other.

For example

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, I grew up in a tight-knit community in the countryside where neighbours supported and uplifted each other.

Secondly

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, schools have fewer students which allows children to learn in a conducive and quiet environment.

For example

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, children learning in small rooms tend to perform better than those learning in big classrooms.

Finally

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, violent and serious crimes are less common in the countryside

due to

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the active presence of neighbourhood police.

Conclusion

To conclude

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, I believe that

city

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living offers good financial prospects, but residing in rural

areas

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has more benefits.

mraha409

Jun 30, 2024

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coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases that clearly link the ideas between paragraphs.

task achievement

Strengthen your arguments by providing additional evidence or examples for each main point you make.

general

Work on a few grammar and vocabulary inaccuracies to elevate your overall writing. For example, use 'it's' instead of 'its' in the introduction, and 'fewer students' rather than 'a few students'. These small changes can make the essay more polished.

coherence cohesion

The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding sentence.

task achievement

You provided specific examples which make your arguments more convincing. For instance, the salary comparison in the financial sector and the community support example from your own experience.

task achievement

The essay covers both perspectives fairly and provides a thoughtful conclusion expressing personal opinion, which addresses the task effectively.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

metropolitan
infrastructure
cosmopolitan
commute
sociocultural
prosperity
sustainability
rural
tranquility
urbanization
relocation
residential
populace
ecological footprint

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