IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is thought by some that its is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 argue that living in the inner
city
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 is ideal
while
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 others argue that living outside the
city
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 is better. I believe that living in urban
areas
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 offers some benefits, but residing in rural
areas
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 is better. Individuals living in the
city
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 have more access to high-paying job opportunities. Employees working in the financial industry receive high salaries and bonuses working in the
city
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 compared to the countryside.
For instance
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, studies have revealed that
people
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 employed in the banking sector received higher salaries compared to those working outside the
city
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.
This
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 shows the financial opportunities available to
people
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 employed in urban
areas
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.
Furthermore
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, a major benefit of living in the
city
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 is the proximity of shops. There are multiple shops
such
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 as convenience stores, restaurants and barbers within a short distance of each other.
This
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 removes the need for
people
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 to take cars to shops.
On the other hand
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, there are several benefits to living in rural
areas
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.
Firstly
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, neighbours are familiar with each other.
This
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 allows for cooperation, tolerance and reliance. If a neighbour is in trouble, they will rally around each other.
For example
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, I grew up in a tight-knit community in the countryside where neighbours supported and uplifted each other.
Secondly
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, schools have fewer students which allows children to learn in a conducive and quiet environment.
For example
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, children learning in small rooms tend to perform better than those learning in big classrooms.
Finally
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, violent and serious crimes are less common in the countryside
due to
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 the active presence of neighbourhood police.
To conclude
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, I believe that
city
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 living offers good financial prospects, but residing in rural
areas
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 has more benefits.

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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases that clearly link the ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing additional evidence or examples for each main point you make.
general
Work on a few grammar and vocabulary inaccuracies to elevate your overall writing. For example, use 'it's' instead of 'its' in the introduction, and 'fewer students' rather than 'a few students'. These small changes can make the essay more polished.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding sentence.
task achievement
You provided specific examples which make your arguments more convincing. For instance, the salary comparison in the financial sector and the community support example from your own experience.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives fairly and provides a thoughtful conclusion expressing personal opinion, which addresses the task effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • commute
  • sociocultural
  • prosperity
  • sustainability
  • rural
  • tranquility
  • urbanization
  • relocation
  • residential
  • populace
  • ecological footprint
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