It is thought by some that its is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Some
people
argue that living in the inner city
is ideal while
others argue that living outside the city
is better. I believe that living in urban areas
offers some benefits, but residing in rural areas
is better.
Individuals living in the city
have more access to high-paying job opportunities. Employees working in the financial industry receive high salaries and bonuses working in the city
compared to the countryside. For instance
, studies have revealed that people
employed in the banking sector received higher salaries compared to those working outside the city
. This
shows the financial opportunities available to people
employed in urban areas
. Furthermore
, a major benefit of living in the city
is the proximity of shops. There are multiple shops such
as convenience stores, restaurants and barbers within a short distance of each other. This
removes the need for people
to take cars to shops.
On the other hand
, there are several benefits to living in rural areas
. Firstly
, neighbours are familiar with each other. This
allows for cooperation, tolerance and reliance. If a neighbour is in trouble, they will rally around each other. For example
, I grew up in a tight-knit community in the countryside where neighbours supported and uplifted each other. Secondly
, schools have fewer students which allows children to learn in a conducive and quiet environment. For example
, children learning in small rooms tend to perform better than those learning in big classrooms. Finally
, violent and serious crimes are less common in the countryside due to
the active presence of neighbourhood police.
To conclude
, I believe that city
living offers good financial prospects, but residing in rural areas
has more benefits.Submitted by mraha409 on
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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases that clearly link the ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing additional evidence or examples for each main point you make.
general
Work on a few grammar and vocabulary inaccuracies to elevate your overall writing. For example, use 'it's' instead of 'its' in the introduction, and 'fewer students' rather than 'a few students'. These small changes can make the essay more polished.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding sentence.
task achievement
You provided specific examples which make your arguments more convincing. For instance, the salary comparison in the financial sector and the community support example from your own experience.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives fairly and provides a thoughtful conclusion expressing personal opinion, which addresses the task effectively.