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Band 5

These days the internet is easily accessible to children. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#internet #children #development
Nowadays, everyone has gadgets to supply everyday needs,
such
their
Change preposition
as their
show examples
 work, ordering food,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 doing some homework.
This
 situation made the
internet
 easier to
be accessed
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
,
this
development
giving
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a negative
development
 for them.
Hence
, in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss why
this
 easiness is bad for
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
. The merit of
internet
 access for
children
 is that they can learn about anything that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 particular
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their interest.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 is
opened
Replace the word
open
show examples
 source that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 limitless for info, the more easiness to access the more you can get
such
 information
thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 become increasingly rich in knowledge.
Furthermore
, the
internet
 can help them to conquer the most difficult
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
 in their homework. The fact that teachers and parents are not always available
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 teach their kids
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can not be denied,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 can provide answers to these limitations. Aside from
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 merits that are given by
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, it can create disasters for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 too.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 realm is a very broad world
that is
 always evolving
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 better or even worse depending
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what are your
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 suggestions. Considering
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 curiosity is very strong, it is impossible that we can control
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
internet
 algorithm,
this
 demerit is undesirable considering
children
 can open anything on the
internet
 including negative
cites
Correct your spelling
sites
show examples
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to negative
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 for the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 character
development
. In conclusion,
internet
 access can give a nice
development
 for
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
, but I think the
children
 do not need it yet because of
openness
Correct article usage
the openness
show examples
 of the
internet
 world.
Submitted by kelly on

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relevant specific examples
Your essay needs more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to include examples from real life or personal experiences.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Make a clear plan before you start writing to ensure that your points are logically organized.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are clearly stated. Be conscious of grammatical accuracy and clarity in your sentences to avoid confusion.
complete response
Expand on the counterargument and provide more balanced views. While your essay mentions both positive and negative aspects, providing a deeper analysis of counterarguments can make it even more effective.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments well.
supported main points
You have identified both the positive and negative aspects of internet access for children, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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