IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days the internet is easily accessible to children. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#internet #children #development
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Nowadays, everyone has gadgets to supply everyday needs,
such
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their
Change preposition
as their
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 work, ordering food,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 doing some homework.
This
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 situation made the
internet
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 easier to
be accessed
Wrong verb form
access
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by
Change preposition
apply
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children
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,
this
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development
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giving
Verb problem
is
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 a negative
development
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 for them.
Hence
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, in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss why
this
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 easiness is bad for
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children
Change noun form
children's
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development
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. The merit of
internet
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 access for
children
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 is that they can learn about anything that
are
Change the verb form
is
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 particular
for
Change preposition
to
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 their interest.
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Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 is
opened
Replace the word
open
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 source that
are
Change the verb form
is
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 limitless for info, the more easiness to access the more you can get
such
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 information
thus
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 become increasingly rich in knowledge.
Furthermore
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, the
internet
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 can help them to conquer the most difficult
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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 in their homework. The fact that teachers and parents are not always available
for
Change preposition
to
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 teach their kids
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can not be denied,
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 can provide answers to these limitations. Aside from
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 merits that are given by
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, it can create disasters for
the
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apply
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children
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 too.
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Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 realm is a very broad world
that is
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 always evolving
to
Change preposition
for
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 better or even worse depending
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what are your
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 suggestions. Considering
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 curiosity is very strong, it is impossible that we can control
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
internet
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 algorithm,
this
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 demerit is undesirable considering
children
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 can open anything on the
internet
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 including negative
cites
Correct your spelling
sites
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,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can lead to negative
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 for the
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 character
development
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. In conclusion,
internet
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 access can give a nice
development
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 for
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
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, but I think the
children
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 do not need it yet because of
openness
Correct article usage
the openness
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 of the
internet
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 world.
Submitted by kelly on

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relevant specific examples
Your essay needs more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to include examples from real life or personal experiences.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Make a clear plan before you start writing to ensure that your points are logically organized.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are clearly stated. Be conscious of grammatical accuracy and clarity in your sentences to avoid confusion.
complete response
Expand on the counterargument and provide more balanced views. While your essay mentions both positive and negative aspects, providing a deeper analysis of counterarguments can make it even more effective.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments well.
supported main points
You have identified both the positive and negative aspects of internet access for children, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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