There are many wild birds and animals living in the cities, and some people believe that these animals should be killed, while others think that they should be saved and protected. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Let's talk about the
drugs
prices in different Change the noun form
drug
countries
with
using Change preposition
apply
HIV
as an example. First
problem is that the most effective Change the article
The first
drugs
agains
Correct your spelling
against
HIV
is
created and belong (by patents) to US and EU Correct subject-verb agreement
are
companies
, so their price are unavailable both for most of
people in poor Change preposition
apply
countries
and for poor people even in another places
and Replace the adjective
another place
other places
as a
result
they die from that disease. Add a comma
result,
Its
a big problem, probably Replace the word
It's
It is
disaster
, when people Correct article usage
a disaster
cant
afford things critically necessary for their lives Correct your spelling
can't
simple
because of money.
Change the word
simply
Average
price for Add an article
The average
HIV
medicine set
in developed Verb problem
apply
countries
is 10 thousand dollars per year, but costs for their production is
much lower, like 5 hundred bucks. So, some drug Correct subject-verb agreement
are
companies
in India, as an example “Sipla”, first offered prices closest to production value for poor countries
. And answer
for that (btw Correct article usage
the answer
also
for some critic in press
) big US and EU Correct article usage
the press
companies
also
started to deliver their drugs
with “zero earnings”.
In my opinion, drug companies
actually should make their drugs
available at reduced prices at least in poor countries
. You can’t ignore the rest of the world, in reason to its global integration. If you are one of first world country, it’s necessary to help another ones
, to prevent spreading their problems to themselves. Especially in health problems like Replace the adjective
another one
other ones
HIV
, which is very easy
transmitted and hard to detect Change the word
easily
at
Change preposition
during
incubation
period. In not poor Correct article usage
the incubation
countries
, I consider that government
Correct article usage
the government
shall
help their poor citizen via medical insurance. As is already done in many EU Verb problem
should
countries
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help the essay to flow better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a more defined introduction and conclusion. An introduction should clearly present the topic and state your thesis, while a conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the thesis in light of the discussion.
task achievement
While you have provided specific examples, expanding on these examples with more details would strengthen your arguments. Also, try to provide counterarguments to show a balanced perspective and to demonstrate critical thinking.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. Consider improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability and comprehension.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a complete response. You have included specific examples, which is positive.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and directly related to the task. You've discussed the pricing problem and provided solutions, which are well-linked to the main topic.
task achievement
You have used relevant specific examples such as the statistics regarding HIV medication prices and actions taken by Indian companies. This adds credibility to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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