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Band 6.5

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#media #e #g #facebook #twitter #contact #people #life #development
It is undeniable that social
media
 plays a big part in
people
's everyday lives.
One
 uses social
media
 in various ways
such
 as contacting, working, and connecting with other
people
. With the benefits of efficiency and convenience, I consider social
media
 usage as the superior channel of
communication
 and its advantages outweigh that of traditional offline
communication
. First of all, those online platforms widen
people
's chances in many aspects of their lives.
People
 can communicate right away without any conditions, especially when distance is the issue.
Therefore
, there are more chances for
one
 to get into his dream university abroad, or meet new friends worldwide.
Moreover
, using social
media
 as a medium
also
 enhances productivity. In the workplace,
for instance
, the boss can reduce employees' time for meeting onsite by implementing online meetings
instead
;
this
 gives employees more time to work on their responsibilities
instead
 of being stuck in traffic on their way to face-to-face meetings.
On the other hand
, the face to face
communication
also
 has values that cannot be completely replaced by digital mediums. Lack of understanding and empathy often occur when
one
 communicates mostly via social
media
,
while
 offline
communication
 doesn’t have
this
 issue much. When
one
 completely sees other
people
’s expressions and body language,
one
 tends to develop a sense of connection and deep understanding.
As a result
, the usage of social
media
 might not be successful in dating. Finding love needs a high level of intimacy and trust and only chatting is not enough.
To sum up
, even though social
media
 platforms have some drawbacks of fewer connections in romantic relationships, the benefits of online channels still outweigh their disadvantages. Technology created social
media
 for
people
 to be capable of globalization
as well as
 a borderless world. These developments of online tools helped
one
 to catch up with their chances and conveniences in the flow of
communication
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, try to include more specific examples or data to support your points. This will help in making your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs by using more transitional phrases and linking words. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You might want to include a bit more analysis of the disadvantages of social media to provide a more balanced view and strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and your stance, making it clear for the reader what to expect.
logical structure
You present a well-organized essay with a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces your stance on the topic.
supported main points
The points you make are relevant and add value to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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