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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this?

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Nowadays, many
children
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 devote a significant amount of
time
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 to social
media
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, which has a negative effect on their academic performance. I believe that understanding the root causes of
this
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 issue will help in identifying effective solutions to tackle it. One major cause of
children
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 spending excessive
time
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 on social
media
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 is the addictive design of these platforms. They are created to keep users engaged for as long as possible, using features like infinite scrolling and personalized content feeds. These elements make it difficult for
children
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 to disconnect, leading to hours spent online
instead
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 of studying. To address
this
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, parents can implement strict guidelines and
time
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 limits on social
media
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 usage. By setting clear boundaries,
children
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 can balance their
time
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 between academic work and leisure activities, reducing the impact on their grades. Peer pressure could
also
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 explain why many
children
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 are drawn to social
media
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 excessively. The desire for social validation,
along with
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 the fear of missing out on trends and conversations, pushes them to stay constantly active. To counteract
this
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, schools can incorporate digital literacy programs that teach students the consequences of overusing social
media
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on
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in
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 their academics. By raising awareness and providing strategies for self-regulation, students can learn how to manage their online presence without sacrificing their education.
To conclude
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, even though the addictive design of social
media
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 and peer pressure contribute to
children
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 spending too much
time
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 online, parents and schools can remedy the situation. In my opinion, setting
time
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 limits and promoting digital literacy are effective steps in the right direction to help
children
Use synonyms
 develop healthier online habits.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Although the essay is well-structured, try to ensure that each paragraph logically connects to the next for even smoother transitions.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence to support the points, which will strengthen the argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear conclusion summarizing the solutions.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task prompt, discussing both causes and solutions.
Task Achievement
Main ideas and strategies are clearly presented, making the essay easy for the reader to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addictive design
  • Infinite scrolling
  • Personalized content feeds
  • Peer pressure
  • Social validation
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • Parental supervision
  • Digital literacy programs
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Conscious regulation
  • Academic impact
  • Engagement
  • Social media usage
  • Online presence
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