Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is true that the phenomenon of the kids
are
spending too much time on Unnecessary verb
apply
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
everyday
Replace the word
every day
play
an important role in the present society.I think we should discuss Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
this
further
in
Change preposition
from
deeper
Correct article usage
a deeper
perspectives
.
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
Initially
, one of the negative influences might be mental
crush of Add an article
a mental
the mental
children
, since the
social media have Correct article usage
apply
donimated
the digital world, creating lots of desirable Correct your spelling
dominated
contents
to capture people's Fix the agreement mistake
content
attentions
. Fix the agreement mistake
attention
However
, children
are not well developed enough in brain
, which would not be able to resist and ignore the competitive Add an article
the brain
conscious
of comparing Replace the word
consciousness
with
others who have better Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
lifes
or Correct your spelling
lives
apperances
. Correct your spelling
appearances
For example
, a recently
study has Change the adverb
recent
reviled
Verb problem
revealed
a
data Correct article usage
apply
in
the highly Change preposition
on
relavented
result Correct your spelling
related
of
between the times that Change preposition
apply
children
seeking for
mental Wrong verb form
seek
helps
and the time Correct subject-verb agreement
help
children
draining
Wrong verb form
drain
in
screens per day.
Change preposition
on
Additionaly
In Correct your spelling
Additionally
Additional
Correct your spelling
conclusion
concultion
, theCorrect your spelling
conclusion
Submitted by tvkevin0910681085 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly finish the essay, providing a strong and relevant conclusion that summarizes your viewpoints and arguments.
task achievement
Expand your ideas more comprehensively. Provide more depth in explaining both why children spend so much time on smartphones and whether this is positive or negative with detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring paragraphs are clearly structured and ideas logically flow from one to another. Transition words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover' can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling errors to improve readability, for example, 'crush' should be 'pressure,' 'reviled' should be 'revealed,' and 'relavented' should be 'relevant.'
task achievement
Make sure to balance your argument with both sides if the essay question requires it. Consider discussing briefly how smartphones might positively impact children.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant problem of children spending too much time on smartphones and its potential negative effects, providing valid points for discussion.
task achievement
You utilized examples and a study to support your argument about the negative impact on mental health, which adds credibility to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.