There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in people moving to different companies for good jobs and peace of mind. Many companies do counselling with their staff members to stay with them and take good salaries. I do not agree with the above notion to get more pay,
instead
peace of mind. This
stance will be proven by careful analysis of why money
is not always vital as compared to the working atmosphere.
Firstly
, the working environment is more important than getting more salary, because it keeps you cool and healthy. If you take more salary and work day and night under pressure, it may ruin your health. For example
, people who worked under pressure suffered from psychological health problems. Another factor is that the management sometimes does not give more respect to their employees, because they always expect results from the staff. As a result
, staff suffered from mental disorders.
Secondly
, the primary reason is that they should be available all the time and fix issues if any occured
. Correct your spelling
occur
For instance
, the Supervisors who are getting more
salaries must be available over the phone 24 hours and NBN (National Correct word choice
higher
Boraodband
Network) supervisors are available round the clock. Correct your spelling
Broadband
In addition
, another factor is that due to
long hours working time , they cannot give proper time to their families.As a consequence
, it is evident that senior officials are always in stress and under heavy workload.
I had worked in a company that was looking after the hospitality business in New Zealand and our company was providing 24-hour services, a number of times I had visited night times in bars and restaurants, especially at weekends to fix their machines and it was a very hectic and tiring job.
In contrast
, it cannot be denied with money
we can make our lives easy and buy properties, but in the long run, it damages the health of the workers. So money
does not outweigh on good working atmosphere.
In conclusion, following the analysis of both sides, it is clear that
money
does not always matter to stay with one company, instead
good
environment is very important for workers and Correct article usage
a good
this
trend is going to continue in the future as well.Submitted by rbtech65 on
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To further enhance the response, consider addressing opposing viewpoints in greater detail while reaffirming your stance. This will create a more balanced and comprehensive argument. Additionally, enhancing the argument with more varied and specific real-life examples could further support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of linking phrases and sentences. Consider reviewing sentence structures to eliminate any repetitive or awkward phrasing, which can disrupt the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and maintains this position throughout the text, demonstrating cohesive and coherent argumentation.
task achievement
It offers relevant examples drawn from personal experiences and general observations, which reinforce the points being made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.