There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor

One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in people moving to different companies for good jobs and peace of mind. Many companies do counselling with their staff members to stay with them and take good salaries. I do not agree with the above notion to get more pay,

instead

peace of mind.

This

stance will be proven by careful analysis of why

money

is not always vital as compared to the working atmosphere.

Firstly

, the working environment is more important than getting more salary, because it keeps you cool and healthy. If you take more salary and work day and night under pressure, it may ruin your health.

For example

, people who worked under pressure suffered from psychological health problems. Another factor is that the management sometimes does not give more respect to their employees, because they always expect results from the staff.

As a result

, staff suffered from mental disorders.

Secondly

, the primary reason is that they should be available all the time and fix issues if any

occured

Correct your spelling

occur

For instance

, the Supervisors who are getting

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

salaries must be available over the phone 24 hours and NBN (National

Boraodband

Correct your spelling

Broadband

Network) supervisors are available round the clock.

In addition

, another factor is that

due to

long hours working time , they cannot give proper time to their families.

As a consequence

, it is evident that senior officials are always in stress and under heavy workload. I had worked in a company that was looking after the hospitality business in New Zealand and our company was providing 24-hour services, a number of times I had visited night times in bars and restaurants, especially at weekends to fix their machines and it was a very hectic and tiring job.

In contrast

, it cannot be denied with

money

we can make our lives easy and buy properties, but in the long run, it damages the health of the workers. So

money

does not outweigh on good working atmosphere. In conclusion, following the analysis of both sides,

it is clear that

money

does not always matter to stay with one company,

instead

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

environment is very important for workers and

this

trend is going to continue in the future as well.

Submitted by rbtech65 on Sun Jun 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To further enhance the response, consider addressing opposing viewpoints in greater detail while reaffirming your stance. This will create a more balanced and comprehensive argument. Additionally, enhancing the argument with more varied and specific real-life examples could further support your points.

coherence cohesion

Improve cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of linking phrases and sentences. Consider reviewing sentence structures to eliminate any repetitive or awkward phrasing, which can disrupt the flow of your essay.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and maintains this position throughout the text, demonstrating cohesive and coherent argumentation.

task achievement

It offers relevant examples drawn from personal experiences and general observations, which reinforce the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

374 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
basic needs
career advancement
pension
job satisfaction
sense of purpose
social connections
workplace relationships
intellectual stimulation
societal norms
earning potential
motivation
livelihood
financial independence
professional growth

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development
These days huge number of individuals are spending most of their time by using a phone. In this essay, I will provide some reasons for this development and state my own position toward this.
4.5
band
The cost of living is higher in many countries. What are the effects of higher prices on individuals and society? What is the best way for people to deal with this problem?
The increase in the cost of living has a great impact on people and society. If the cost of living increases, but people's wages do not increase, then it will be very difficult for people to live.One of the reasons for the increase in the cost of living is tourists, because when tourists come, they bring foreign currency to the country they come to, and this causes the cost of living to increase.Another reason for the increase in the cost of living is the depreciation of the currency.Over time, the national currency depreciates, and as it depreciates, so does the cost of living.
6
band
Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, news, service ). Why is this? Is it possible or negative development?
It is said that there are more people who require things such as goods, news or services immediately. This phenomenon might come from the fast-paced lifestyle. From my own experience, I can estimate that this trend will have a positive impact on human titles.
6
band
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
When considering a job, it is a common belief that salary should be the primary factor. However, I completely disagree with this view. While salary is undoubtedly important, other aspects such as job satisfaction, work-life balance, and opportunities for personal and professional growth are equally, if not more, significant. Ignoring these factors can lead to dissatisfaction and burnout, regardless of how much one is paid.
5.5
band
Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employees find no benefit doing so. Discuss both views.
Some employers have provided to their employees a free membership to get into gyms and sport clubs, under the idea that this will make their emplyees much healtier and more effective at work. Other employees have found no positive effects on doing this. While some employees have not found any benefit for employees offering membership for gyms, I believe companies that offer a membership card for gyms will have a healtier staff and emnployees will be much more effective at work.

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

The cost of living is higher in many countries. What are the effects of higher prices on individuals and society? What is the best way for people to deal with this problem?

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, news, service ). Why is this? Is it possible or negative development?

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employees find no benefit doing so. Discuss both views.