IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Question: In order to alive traffic problems, government should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportlong. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

In recent years, to deal with
traffic
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 problems, the government has decided to tax private car owners and invest a massive amount of their budget to build a public transportation
system
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.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 measure and provide a logical conclusion.
Firstly
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, for positive points, a higher tax is extremely useful to decrease the number of
cars
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 in our society resulting in a decrease in rates of
traffic
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 jams and accidents.
Moreover
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, it is convenient for citizens to commute by public transportation because they do not worry about parking.
According to
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 the survey released by Tokyo Transport Hall, after they carried out the policy to limit the number of
cars
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 in 2022, the rate of
traffic
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 accidents will be down by 23% in 2023. In brief, taxing private car owners and constructing the public
system
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 is beneficial for
traffic
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 problems.
On the contrary
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,
this
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 strategy would have some negative effects on other aspects. The vehicle industry will be more and more terrible because of less need for private
cars
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.
In addition
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, investing extra budget on public transport could sacrifice other well-being in our society.
For example
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, in China, the subway
system
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 cost 10 billion in 2003,
while
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 the budget of the national education
system
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 declined by 5 million.
Thus
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, governments should consider all the effects when enforcing new policies. In conclusion, it is controversial for governments to tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport.
This
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 strategy could lead to other industrial and well-being problems
although
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 it can solve
traffic
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 accidents and decrease the number of
cars
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 on roads.
As a result
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, governments should plan in more detail with diverse suggestions to avoid citizens's complaints.

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task achievement
Ensure you directly answer both parts of the question explicitly in both your introduction and conclusion. While you touch on the advantages and disadvantages, more explicit statements about your stance will improve clarity and directness.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider introducing your main points in the introduction and summarizing them briefly in the conclusion. This helps to signpost your essay structure to the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this is supported by relevant examples or arguments. While you provide examples, make these more integral to your argument, rather than adding them at the end of a point.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the range of linking words you use to show contrast, cause, and effect more effectively within your essay. This will make your argument more nuanced and your essay more cohesive.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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