IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, many people change jobs quite regularly, rather than working in the one company for their entire careers. Why do you think this is happening? How can companies keep their workers?

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These days, a lot of individuals are shifting their jobs frequently,
instead
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 of being employed with one firm throughout their lives.
Consequently
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,
this
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 change in the job market is
due to
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 an increasing literacy rate and more growth opportunities;
however
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, to retain talent within the company, employers should offer competitive compensation and incentives to the staff. The main reason for these ever-changing career prospects is fostered opportunities for growth
due to
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 higher literacy rates.
For instance
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, in ancient times, only a small fraction of the population used to seek employment because only selective community groups used to work throughout their lives, and
hence
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, were satisfied with their jobs. Whilst, nowadays a vast number of employees are exposed to wider labour markets.
Therefore
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, they tend to shift employers and gain satisfaction from the new working environment, with little better compensation.
Furthermore
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, companies ought to encourage workers to keep working with them for a longer tenure by offering them multiple benefits, like increased incentives and salaries.
Likewise
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, businesses give yearly bonuses and promotions based on seniority in the company.
Moreover
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, an annual salary raise is incentivized on the basis of an employee's working years in the firm.
Thus
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,
this
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 is a feasible method of retaining the talent and loyalty of employees in the company . In conclusion, in
this
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 rapidly evolving era, moving jobs and switching careers has become a norm
whereas
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, in the earlier times workers used to be employed at one firm throughout their working lives.
Subsequently
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,
this
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 is
due to
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 more and more individuals seeking job opportunities and reduced satisfaction levels. To gain employee loyalty, businesses should provide optimal benefits in comparison to their peer companies.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a solid response to the task, addressing both why people change jobs frequently and how companies can retain their workers. However, including a few more specific examples would make your argument even stronger.
coherence cohesion
You have used a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. The introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined, addressing the main topic effectively. However, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear framework for your essay and effectively addressing the main topic.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed both parts of the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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