Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people in the history of their country?

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Nowadays,

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

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generation

prefer

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prefers

show examples

to know more about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international popular artists and movie stars rather than about

Use synonyms

hero

Fix the agreement mistake

heroes

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or famous

people

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in their

history

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. There are two reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

Linking Words

condition which are unawareness and

uninterested

Replace the word

uninteresting

show examples

of the

people

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and

then

Linking Words

Correct word choice

and advices

show examples

advices

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advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

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to tackle

this

Linking Words

situation will be elaborated below. Knowing about the

hero

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can give many benefits for many

people

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For example

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, the students who respect Kartini,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will pursue an education until the high level.

However

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, many individuals

do nt

Correct your spelling

don't

know about the

hero

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in their countries because

usually

Add a comma

usually,

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many individuals think that

history

Use synonyms

boring

Correct article usage

a boring

show examples

subject. So, after finishing class, there are no

people

Use synonyms

who learn or read again about the

biography

Fix the agreement mistake

biographies

show examples

of the heroes in their city. There are some solutions which can be implemented by the

people

Use synonyms

The

Correct article usage

First

show examples

first,

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the teacher can

utilized

Wrong verb form

utilise

show examples

the advancement of technology to make teaching more interactive, so the students will be more interested

with

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show examples

this

Linking Words

subject. As an example, the tutors can use an application

such

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as Quizziz to introduce the

hero

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in their countries.

Besides

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, the local communities can

also

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make an event to enhance the

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people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

awareness about the importance of knowing the

hero

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Therefore

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, there are more

people

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

who realized

show examples

realized

Wrong verb form

realise

show examples

that

this

Linking Words

is crucial to learn about the

hero

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rather than just

know

Wrong verb form

knowing

show examples

about the international pop and movie stars.

To sum up

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, there are two reasons why some

people

Use synonyms

know more about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

famous artists rather than heroes in the past. The first reason because many

people

Use synonyms

think that

history

Use synonyms

boring

Correct article usage

a boring

show examples

subject.

Besides

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, there are no interests from a lot of

people

Use synonyms

to search and learn about it.

This

Linking Words

situation can be tackled by using interactive methods in

history

Use synonyms

teaching and

also

Linking Words

making some festivals or events by local communities.

ru.kabiru.biruMon Jul 01 2024

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task achievement

Clarify and expand on your main points with more specific examples and details to enhance the breadth and depth of your argument.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader effectively through your essay.

task achievement

Revise the essay to correct minor grammatical and syntactical errors, and to improve word choice and sentence structure for clearer communication.

coherence cohesion

Consider returning to the essay's main idea or thesis in the concluding paragraph more explicitly to reinforce your argument and provide a stronger sense of closure.

task achievement

You effectively introduce the topic and provide a clear thesis statement outlining the reasons and solutions related to the issue.

task achievement

Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and demonstrates the ability to address both parts of the question.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people in the history of their country?

Some companies spend a lot of money on scientific research and use animals for testing. Many argue that this is for a just cause while others say otherwise. Do the advantages of using animals in research outweigh its disadvantages?

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Nuclear technology not only offers a lot of advantages but also threatens the world with its danger. The use of this technology should be discouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls this hot negative effects on themselves and the society they live in to what extent do you agree or disagree