Developing countries require help offered by international organization to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aids is important. Other believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both these views and give youw own opinion.

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International
Add an article
The international
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organization
aids
Correct subject-verb agreement
aid
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it's crucial for countries that
needs
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need
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help here I will discuss two different
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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.
In
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On
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one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial support can help
this countries
Change the determiner
this country
these countries
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to
growth
Replace the word
grow
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and buy medicine,
foods
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food
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or even goods that people
needs
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need
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and it's one of the important things if we want to help
this
country and
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
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the
world union
Correct your spelling
World Union
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concept.
In
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On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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hand, people who will say the practical aids and these on
other important aspect
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another important aspect
other important aspects
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by bringing expertise in solving the issue
that’s
Unnecessary verb
that
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countries faced. In my opinion,
the
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apply
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both
concept
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concepts
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are crucial for
sustainability
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the sustainability
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of global
union
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unions
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and
it's depending
Wrong verb form
it depends
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on
what's
Unnecessary verb
what
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they
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
.
Submitted by a.junini7 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a more structured introduction and conclusion. Starting with a proper thesis statement can help clearly state the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay should use paragraphs to separate different ideas and ensure a logical flow. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
To fully address the task, try to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both views. This will show that you understand both sides and can support your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your personal opinion and how both types of aid can be combined for the best results. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover both views on the issue, which shows an understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
There is a clear statement of the writer’s opinion, which is important for discussing the topic comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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