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Band 3.5

There should be laws to control the amount and type of violence shown on television programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#laws #control #amount #type #violence #television #programs
We are free to choose the shows we watch.Laws are not necessary to help in deciding what to watch. I completely agree with
this
 statement and will shed more light in the following paragraph.
To begin
 with, people should be given freedom in selecting what to watch on TV. And it should not be restricted by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
law enforcement as there
are
Change the verb form
is
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variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of programs like
serial's
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serial
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 movie
Scotland's
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Scotland
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 and many
mood
Change to a plural noun
moods
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, which are available to watch on TV.
Thus
, choosing a program is in the
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
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 of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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. Various channels shook as different programs at different schedules, providing a number of options for the viewers to watch.
Additionally
,
with
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apply
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smart technology incorporated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 television sets,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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gives the facility to lock certain channels from kids.Parents can block
such
 dramas which showcase violence or any other type of adult content from the children.
Also
, they can set a pen.Old
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
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 to
such
 digital applications or channels
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not meant for children or even for elderly people.
To conclude
, freedom of what to watch is similar to freedom to speech and putting any sort of confinement on it, can lead to various problems like mental stress as watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 is a leisure activity.
Thus
, it should not be put under
watch
Add an article
the watch
show examples
 of law.
Submitted by bindiya.gupta01 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your arguments with more specific examples and further details. This will make your essay more compelling and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors as they can distract the reader. For instance, "serial's movie Scotland's" needs correction.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion that answers the question.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly with a clear point of view that is maintained throughout.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is generally clear, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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