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Band 5

Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things; whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects the phenomenon leads to?

#people #factors #phenomenon #effects
In today’s world, replacement is common and
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not
required
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 great
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, since
people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to buy products
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
easily, rather than restore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things.
This
 essay will try to identify the factors contributing to
this
 and
also
 explain some
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 that may emerge
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
.
First,
the development of technology
were
Verb problem
has
show examples
 made
people
 crave to use something new.
For instance
, gadgets like mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 were crafted with recent update software.
This
 made
people
 tend to buy the latest product and it is relatively proven to make
people
 leave their old gadgets.
Moreover
, the effect of buying something new will
triggered
Wrong verb form
trigger
show examples
happiness
Correct article usage
the happiness
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 hormone within our body, which eventually
people
 eager into it.
Secondly
, several technology
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
were limited
Change the verb form
have limited
show examples
 the product
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 specific usage.
For example
, the screen on
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 specific life hours and when it
hit
Wrong verb form
hits
show examples
 the limit, it will automatically shut down.
Furthermore
, if
people
 try to stay with the old stuff, they will
facing
Change the verb form
face
be facing
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with it in the near future.
This
 condition able to
appears
Wrong verb form
appear
show examples
 suddenly anytime and anywhere, and
also
 will make a burden for several
people
. It
is believe
Change the verb form
is believed
show examples
 if every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 thinks they should move to new things without repair,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can lead to
produce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more amount of garbage.
In addition
, natural resources
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 more
over exploited
Add a hyphen
over-exploited
show examples
.
This
 condition
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
probability
Correct article usage
a probability
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the next generations, since all of
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
 resources
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been diminishing and
leave
Wrong verb form
left
show examples
 nothing for the future.
For instance
, if someone
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to buy
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 smartphone,
while
 he already
held
Wrong verb form
holds
show examples
 the latest product, it could create more electronic waste. In
this
 condition,
people
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
determine wisely of eligibility criteria before
they’re replace
Change the verb form
they replace
show examples
 the old goods with something new.
Submitted by dwima.rizky on

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coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you should aim to make your ideas flow more logically and cohesively. Consider using linking words to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a complete response by discussing both causes and effects. However, some of your explanations could be clearer and more elaborated. Be sure to fully develop your points and provide specific, relevant examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. There are several errors that sometimes make it difficult to understand your ideas. Focus on correct verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and singular/plural forms.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary. Some word choices are repetitive and basic. This will help make your essay more engaging and show a stronger command of the English language.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction successfully sets the stage for the essay and clearly states the issues to be discussed.
task achievement
You have good main points that are relevant to the topic and the task. They are generally supported by examples, which helps illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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