Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
It is well-known that musical variety is essential nowadays. Does not matter what sort of
music
it is, because we utilize it for many reasons in our daily live
, Replace the word
lives
such
as cooking, relaxing or even studying. However
, we are not really aware of why we listen to it. When we hear sounds following a specific rhythm, our body and nervous system are stimulated and they react in different ways providing us certain
feelings. In my opinion, listening to songs is a very convenient tool that might help us.
First of all, Change preposition
with certain
music
has become an important part of every country’s culture for a long time, because it reflects details of our live
, like how we dress, what kind of musical sounds we prefer, even the way Replace the word
lives
how
we dance. Dancing is a corporal expression of our bodies and it is closely related to Rephrase
apply
music
. For example
, when I saw the typical Thai performance in Thailand, I could gain more knowledge about their culture.
On the other hand
, international music
is not created with specific
personality, either following any rule from the country , Add an article
a specific
due to
it is made for everyone. The key reason for this
is that musicians are looking for general access to people and creating connexions around the world. For instance
, you might meet new persons
through international Replace the word
people
music
because both know it. That is
why this
international character is relevant in our lives,
because you can live in a new place but feel like your home.
In conclusion, I believe that both traditional and international Remove the comma
apply
music
are essential in the world. They offer numerous registers according to
our tastes and our moods.Submitted by lydiagarcia.gr on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your ideas in a clearer structure. For example, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point you’ll discuss, and ensure each following sentence logically supports that point.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that you fully explore both parts of the prompt. While you have addressed why we need music, the argument regarding traditional versus international music could be more developed. Provide more balanced and in-depth analysis for both sides.
task achievement
To enhance your ideas, include more specific and varied examples. Currently, the examples are limited and somewhat repetitive, which weakens the impact of your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and provides a clear sense of direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up your main points, giving a sense of closure to your essay.
supported main points
You successfully highlight the cultural significance of traditional music and the communal aspect of international music, which helps illustrate the importance of both.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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