Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?
Nowadays, we shoulder huge responsibilities towards
society
erection. Change noun form
society's
Nevertheless
, it is acknowledged the mutual contract of both citizens and government
to get their community
conserved, but there is an argument around who is affording the heaviest side of establishment
. From my perspective, Add an article
the establishment
this
issue is like your right and left hand, none of them cannot
operate without the other, so I would argue that it is a common authority of both Rewrite the sentence
can
government
and individuals.
On the one hand, residents pay attention to their community
repairs particularly
moral and physical aspects. Add the comma(s)
, particularly
For instance
, the members of society
ensure to spread awareness regarding to
mortality and initiative manners. Remove the preposition
apply
As a result
of invading the community
with invaluable personal characters, it would be
a paramount impact on Verb problem
have
society
. On the other hand
, due to
guarantee
Correct article usage
the guarantee
a
pure air, a top level of public sanitation, and green landscapes, many people have started Correct your spelling
of
by
their own and inherited these habitats Change preposition
on
to
the coming generation.
In spite of our significant role, no one can deny the influence of Change preposition
for
government
on society
in establishing rules and laws and enforcing people to respect them. As far as it has been concerned, leaders and effective individuals consist on
the Change preposition
of
principals
of sustainable development by Correct your spelling
principles
sitting
clear goals for these purposes. It has been followed by clarifying what Correct your spelling
setting
behind
the Add a missing verb
is behind
scene
Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
,
if they Remove the comma
apply
did
not respect these rules.
Wrong verb form
do
To conclude
, an intimate society
is by no means an easy task to be achieved, by contrast
, if individuals and government
stand as solid rock together, they will upgrade their community
in all possible methods.Submitted by Mido on
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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a balanced view. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay generally follows a logical structure, there are moments where the flow between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to improve cohesion.
supporting main points
Ensure that all points introduced in your essay are sufficiently supported. Some ideas are mentioned but not fully explored. Developing these points more thoroughly will enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and effectively sets up the argument, establishing a strong starting point.
conclusion
You have a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your stance and reinforces your main points.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the importance of both government and individual roles in societal change, which is a complex and insightful observation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.