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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?

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Nowadays, shopping is a more prevalent activity than ever, with
people
Use synonyms
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 it online or
on site
Add a hyphen
on-site
show examples
. Its popularity derives from the relaxing feeling provided and the accessibility. Shops can be found almost anywhere, offering a diverse range of
products
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 to satisfy public
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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. From “window shoppers” to “shopaholics”,
people
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 have developed different shopping tactics, relying on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to survive the constant need
of
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for
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 objects and services.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyze the effects of the popularization of shopping represented by the blooming of businesses and the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having new
products
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. The positive effect of
such
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 a popularity increase is the prosperity of businesses because of the number of clients.
For instance
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, if
people
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 shop more little businesses have the opportunity to grow their number of sales, accumulating more money to support themselves in becoming more influential on the market.
Thus
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, building a healthy economy which helps a community advance, attracts tourists, promotes population growth and contributes to the well-being and entertainment of
people
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. One of the negative effects shopping has on individuals is that as
products
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 become more expensive, there is a resulting trend of recklessly spending money on new
products
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instead
Linking Words
 of reusing or fixing old ones.
For example
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, an avid electronics shopper would much rather replace their old
iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 with the newest version as soon as problems arise,
instead
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 of trying to fix their device.
This
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 results in a constant need to have something new which creates personal financial pressure
as well as
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 external judgment. To summarize, because of the many influential factors it is not appropriate to affirm whether
overall
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, the increased popularity of shopping has a positive or negative influence.
However
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, we can observe both its effects at a macro and micro scale.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported by relevant examples. For instance, when discussing the negative effects of shopping, more varied examples beyond electronics could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer and more comprehensive conclusion. A strong conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and state your final viewpoint clearly.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task prompt by discussing the reasons for the popularity of shopping and its effects.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas, making the essay easy to follow from one paragraph to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • emotional satisfaction
  • consumerism
  • advertising influence
  • online shopping platforms
  • sense of pleasure
  • social interaction
  • boost the economy
  • compulsive shopping
  • materialism
  • environmental degradation
  • unsustainable demand
  • social inequalities
  • status through possessions
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