IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or nagative development?

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #nagative #development
There are different foods and goods from worldwide in the supermarkets for
consumers
.
This
 provides a partly true side for people, and
also
 we will discuss
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative sides and summarize them. On the one hand, a product from
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world carries negative aspects to the development. The concerns about
food
safety
 and quality standards in different countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may be difficult to regulate and monitor.
For example
, there may be concerns about the use of pesticides or
food
safety
 regulations in the country of origin, which could potentially impact the
food
 quality and
safety
.
On the other hand
, the positive aspects include the availability of a wide variety of
food
 options, including those that may not be locally grown or in season.
This
 can provide
consumers
 with more choices and access to different types of cuisine and ingredients.
For example
,
consumers
 in the USA may be able to buy fresh strawberries from South America during the winter days
while
 their local strawberries are out of season.
This
 provides buyers with the opportunity to enjoy fresh
food
 year-round.
Overall
,
whereas
 the availability of global
food
 products in supermarkets can offer convenience and diversity to
consumers
,
however
, it is important to consider the potential drawbacks and strive for a balanced approach that takes into account sustainability and
food
safety
 considerations.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow can be improved by ensuring that the arguments are more cohesively connected. Consider using transition words and phrases to better tie your points together.
task achievement
The response addresses the task and presents both positive and negative aspects of the issue. However, there is room for deeper analysis and more elaboration on the main points. Make sure to fully develop each argument with sufficient evidence and examples.
task achievement
Including more specific, relevant examples can strengthen your arguments. You have one good example about strawberries from South America, but adding more diverse examples would enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion.
task achievement
The response includes relevant examples, helping to illustrate the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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