IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
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People
Use synonyms
 ought to stop competing with each other in daily
life
Use synonyms
 and should start working in groups.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 competition
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 productivity, it has
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
life
Use synonyms
. Competition at
work
Use synonyms
 can lead to great outcomes. The reason is,
every
Correct word choice
that every
show examples
 employee tries to give more
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 and energy to his working process than other members of the community. If full attention is given to
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
, more results are likely to get.
For example
Linking Words
, in
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 job
people
Use synonyms
 have to be faster than other working
partners
Use synonyms
 and in
this
Linking Words
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
jobs
Add a comma
jobs,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have no other factors that lose their focus. If battle at
work
Use synonyms
 does not exist, there
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be some problems.
People
Use synonyms
 can be more likely to lose focus by chatting with
partners
Use synonyms
 or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
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that is
Linking Words
 not appropriate to do at
work
Use synonyms
. Competing at
school
Use synonyms
 or
work
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has bad sides.
While
Linking Words
 for children at
Use synonyms
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on their mental health,
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 can lose communication with their
partners
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 age is
sentimental
Add an article
the sentimental
a sentimental
show examples
 period in
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. If youngsters lose competition among their groupmates,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 themselves
unnecessary
Change preposition
as unnecessary
show examples
 to society and may have depression which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
suffer
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from lack of motivation to study. Social
life
Use synonyms
 is one of the most essential factors in
Add an article
an individuals
the individuals
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Colleagues are part of it. Competing at
work
Use synonyms
 is more likely to make enemies rather than building strong
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 among
partners
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will start to hate
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 better than themselves and envy will play
modal
Add an article
a modal
show examples
 role in
this
Linking Words
 process.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 competing at
work
Use synonyms
 and
school
Use synonyms
 has positive
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 results, it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on mental health and social
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas follow a logical order to improve structure.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments, enhancing task achievement.
task achievement
Clarify your opinion more explicitly in your conclusion for a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining a consistent point of view throughout the essay to increase coherence.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views of competition at work and school, addressing the main points of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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