Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

It is

inevitable

Change the word

inevitably

show examples

true that

health

is one of the major issues nowadays.Some

people

believe that if more

sports

activities

are provided to the

community

it will help to improve

people

health

and I support

this

view.

However

,some

argues

Change the verb form

argue

show examples

that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

implementing other methods could lead to more positive

health

benefits.In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

views and explain why I am

Change preposition

show examples

favour of the first view. There are many

health

benefits of being more physical.

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

Even though

,recently ,

pacticioners

Correct your spelling

practitioners

have changed their mode of treatment.They now focus first on lifestyle and

therefore

advised them to start some sort of physical

excercises

Correct your spelling

exercises

exercise

As a result

,if there are

sports

fascilities

Correct your spelling

facilities

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

availabe

Correct your spelling

available

in the area

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

people

can take advantage of

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. We can not deny that most

people

are busy and

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

participate in healthy

activities

.If any

sports

events are

organising

Wrong verb form

organised

show examples

in their town

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they can

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

with them.

This

can motivate them to engage in these

activities

.For

instances

Fix the agreement mistake

instance

show examples

, arranging local

mathches

Correct your spelling

matches

whether cricket or football etc could

deficitely

Correct your spelling

definitely

admire to

Verb problem

inspire

show examples

individuals to take part in

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Otherthan

Correct your spelling

Other than

this

local

Correct article usage

the local

show examples

community

centre

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

providing

sports

for minimal

cahrges

Correct your spelling

charges

with seven days

availabilty

Correct your spelling

availability

available

then

there could be

chance

Add an article

a chance

show examples

that more

people

can

paricipate

Correct your spelling

participate

.There should be swimming,football,tennis etc so that

people

can attract and spend their time in

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

activities

Otherwise

,it is very difficult to keep active in whole day.

However

,there are other ways to be healthy rather than to play any

sports

.Some

people

enjoy art

activities

This

could be any type of

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

.Like music, drama,singing,painting and so on.

This

depends on

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

choices.If someone

enjoying

Wrong verb form

enjoys

show examples

drama,

this

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

them

feeling

Add an article

a feeling

the feeling

show examples

of happiness which in turn could make them

stress free

Add a hyphen

stress-free

show examples

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

them to be healthy.It is

vitable

Correct your spelling

vital

to choose

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

how someone can get

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

joy and peace.If

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

could work on supporting these resources

this

can

put

Verb problem

bring

show examples

good

health

benifts

Correct your spelling

benefits

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. In conclusion, we can not deny the importance of

health

and its effects.I advocate

those

Change preposition

for those

show examples

who believe that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

promoting

health

fasiclities colud

Correct your spelling

facilities could

make any

community

healthier and

happy

Replace the word

happier

show examples

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

some

indiviuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

individual

support other ideas to promote

health

benefits in the

community

Submitted by iqbal.kamran on Mon Jul 01 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, making it easy to understand the author's position.

task response

The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion.

grammar

There is an attempt to use complex sentences, which is commendable.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

352 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

What to do next:

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The main visitors to museums and historical sites are tourists, not local people. Why is it the case? What can be done to attract local people to these places

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days the fashion in clothing are constantly changing. Is this affecting Individuals and the environment in a positive or a negative way