Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is considered by certain people that competitions should be promoted as it can be a way to increase children's ability,
while
there are others who think that it is better to avoid competing but working together. In my opinion, competition and cooperation are just like two sides of a penny which both bring benefits to students.
On the one hand, encouraging teenagers to contend with each other can somehow create a satisfactory studying environment which may develop students' independent learning abilities. Juveniles or colleagues who have their target counterparts may be inspired and motivated about working processes thereby enhancing productivity. One clear example is that the reason why China has become one of the most advanced countries in the world is because the Chinese people have constantly competed with their peers to achieve perfection.
On the other hand
, fighting each other in every aspect of life can cause many unwanted incidents such
as increasing jealousy among citizens, destroying friendships between besties and discouraging enthusiasm for life. To make it simple, over-emphasis on contest among the masses will build a disharmonious society
because everyone sees each other as a competitor. For instance
, if pupils in the school only be taught how to fight with each other but do not know how to give in and co-work, their personalities will not be well shaped, which will cause harm to the entire society
.
Finally
, in my opinion, challenging each other and putting effort together to accomplish a task are two complementary things, they are indispensable to each other. In universities or companies, individuals should be able to implement both group work ability and independent skills so that make contributions to the agency and even the entire society
.
To sum up
, no matter whether forming better personalities or creating a warm and harmonious society
, people should make sure that they attain the necessary techniques to combine both contention and collaboration.Submitted by bubblehead1213 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea. For instance, the third paragraph attempts to address negative effects of competition, but the ideas are somewhat scattered. A more focused development of one point would be beneficial.
task achievement
While supporting examples are present, some need more clarity. For instance, the example of why China has advanced due to competition is strong but would benefit from more specific details or data to support this claim.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing. For example, '...pupils in the school only be taught how to fight...' could be more smoothly written as '...pupils in the school are only taught to compete...'.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a definite introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion which aids in understanding the essay's points.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both views on competition and cooperation offers a nuanced perspective.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support points, such as the mention of China's advancement through competition.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.