Nowadays there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individuals and societies. To what extent do you agree ?
It is undeniable that a thousand good things always are covered by one mistake. It is shown that the media do not regard positive expansion but only look at problems and emergencies. Some believe it is dangerous for individuals and societies. I personally agree with
this
opinion and I will elaborate why in this
essay.
To begin
with, the reason why I agree is that the exposure to negative news
that we always get will have an impact on mental health. Mental health problems such
as anxiety, stress, and depression will increase among individuals. This
can make many jobless in society and will affect the country's economy. This
is because our lives and our work are disrupted by any negative content and we can even be fired from the company. For example
, negative content on the news
says
Another reason why I agree is that people
will not pay attention to positive developments by ignoring positive news
. This
is because there is a lot of negative news
that makes people
alert and close themselves to positive news
. This
means people
overlook advancements and innovations around the world. This
will lead to community decision-making in which people
are afraid to make decisions and risk aversion. To illustrate, with negative news
everywhere students no longer dare to dream high.
In conclusion, I agree with this
statement because problems will have a negative impact on mental health which in turn will create a lot of unemployment and people
with mental illness. Also
, people
will ignore positive things and have doubts about making decisions.Submitted by bonarpasaribuu on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides reasoning for your opinion. However, to achieve a higher band, ensure that each point is fully elaborated with relevant and specific examples. The example provided in the first body paragraph is not complete and leaves the point unsupported. Try to include more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between some sentences and paragraphs can be improved. For instance, the sentence 'For example, negative content on the news says' is incomplete and looks out of place. Ensure smooth transitions and complete your thoughts entirely before moving to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed. The essay tends to generalize at some points. Instead of stating broad claims like 'students no longer dare to dream high', provide specific scenarios or statistics that back up your claim. Also, be careful of repetition. The phrase 'I agree with this statement' is repeated, and varying your language can contribute to a higher cohesion score.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. It's evident that you understand the general format and requirements of an essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task adequately and provided reasons for your stance, which is crucial for fulfilling the task response criterion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.