Some people think that the use of mobiles (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There are many debates about whether using cell
phones
in public spaces should be banned or not. I firmly agree with this
statement.
There are some compelling stances for banning smartphones
in public locations. Initially
, the usage of mobile phones
in public venues could be annoying because this
disturbs others who are focusing on their own activities. For example
, mobile phones
can disrupt the quiet environment essential for studying and reading in libraries. Besides
, this
can lead to potential health risks for employees working in professions, especially in public places, which require much attention. Any sudden sound from mobile phones
can attract the attention of bus drivers, which can generate traffic accidents and pose serious injuries to the crowd. Additionally
, using phones
in public spaces to take photos or record videos can infringe on the privacy of others. People might feel uncomfortable if they are unknowingly being filmed or photographed. For instance
, many superstars report feeling uncomfortable and harassed by paparazzi. Intrusive media practices can disrupt important personal events, such
as dating or special anniversaries, adding unnecessary stress to their lives.
However
, there are some convincing stances against banning smartphones
in public locations. The foremost benefit is the convenience and efficiency of smartphones
. Smartphones
can be used for quick payments, finding product information, or using discount apps. Mobile phones
are the primary means of staying connected with family and friends disregarding far-flung locations. Moreover
, imposing a blanket ban could be seen as an infringement on personal freedom and autonomy.
To conclude
, although
there are persuasive reasons to ban the use of mobile phones
in certain public places due to
noise disruption, health risks, and privacy concerns, there are also
significant benefits to their use. The convenience, connectivity, and efficiency provided by smartphones
cannot be overlooked. Instead
of imposing a blanket ban, this
can be achieved through public awareness campaigns and designated areas for mobile phone use, ensuring that the advantages of technology are harnessed while
minimizing its negative impacts.Submitted by lenam2k1 on
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task achievement
In your essay, you presented a well-structured argument addressing both sides of the debate, which is essential for a balanced discussion. However, it would be beneficial to strengthen your arguments by adding more specific data or research evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. To improve further, you could use a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions, which can help in making your argument more fluid and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could be enhanced by introducing slightly more varied sentence structures. Although your sentences are clear and well-constructed, incorporating complex sentences can elevate the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have done an excellent job of introducing your perspective clearly at the beginning and summarizing your argument effectively at the end. Your conclusion is particularly strong as it provides a balanced viewpoint and a practical solution.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments. Each paragraph starts with a strong topic sentence and develops the idea coherently.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively, such as the impact on bus drivers and privacy concerns with paparazzi.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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