IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The company you work for has decided to close the cafeteria as the staff is not using it much. You are not happy with the decision. Write a letter to the director: - Give reasons of low usage - How will it affect the staff - Suggest ways to improve it

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Dear Sir, I am Lovish Kakkar. I am currently employed in the Accounting and Finance Department of your esteemed organisation. I am writing
this
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 letter to bring your attention to a recent decision of our management to close the
cafeteria
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. My colleagues and I do not agree with
this
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 development and would like you to reconsider it. To give more details, there are a few reasons why the
cafeteria
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 has been used less.
To begin
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 with, there is a problem of cleanliness in the
premise
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premises
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 because it is not cleaned regularly. Apart from that, the coffee machine has not been working for almost two months now.
Lastly
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, the microwave and dishwasher are prone to damage and only work irregularly.
Due to
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 all these reasons, very less people use the
cafeteria
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. The decision to close it will adversely affect the rest of us who regularly use it to have lunch. Some employees like me, who do not own a car will have no place to go to have our food.
Moreover
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, the
cafeteria
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 is the only place where we can meet and talk comfortably with our co-workers. To give my humble opinion,
instead
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 of closing the lunch room, we shall work to improve it. If the management can ensure cleanliness and install new electronic appliances in the
cafeteria
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, attendance will increase surely. I hope for a careful consideration of our request. Yours faithfully, Lovish

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task response
Ensure to include all the necessary contact information for a formal letter.
task response
Try to provide more specific suggestions for improvement, such as names of appliances or detailed cleanliness routines.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down large paragraphs into smaller ones for better readability.
task response
The letter maintains a respectful and formal tone throughout, which is appropriate for addressing the director.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the letter is logical, with clear introduction, body and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a single point clearly and effectively, improving readability.
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