IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harm to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #developments #harm #individuals #society
I
uterly
Correct your spelling
utterly
 disagree with the claim that the major attention of
news
 nowadays is a harmful action to the
society
. The following would explain the two main reasons detailedly. First of all, the focus
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the terrible side of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 is
nessecery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to be alert to the problems
Correct pronoun usage
that existed
show examples
existed
Wrong verb form
exist
show examples
 and create a better
society
 in the future. Immediate
news
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important to alter the public about the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
 of different cases,
such
 as scamming, raping,
stealing
Correct word choice
and stealing
show examples
. The citizens can
therefore
 avoid falling into the trap of
crimer
Correct your spelling
crime
crimes
 by receiving useful information from the negative
news
.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 is never
an
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a
show examples
 utopia, people should face
the
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apply
show examples
reality and try to avoid the
repeition
Correct your spelling
repetition
 of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 cases in the future by being more careful
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime or
the
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apply
show examples
natural hazards,
such
 as flooding, volcano eruption, etc.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, putting more attention on problems could serve as a deterrent to the would-be offenders. It is patently obvious that if the
news
 posted the poor ending of the
crimer
Correct your spelling
crime
crimes
 who
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 caught, it could be
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
alert to the would-be
crimer
Correct your spelling
crime
crimes
 because they would not want to have the same ending
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, like going to jail or broke.
In addition
, they could understand the side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of having
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
,
for example
, their family would be
desperated
Correct your spelling
desperate
separated
, their friends and
partner
Fix the agreement mistake
partners
show examples
 would
left
Change the verb form
leave
show examples
 them alone, not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to have freedom. The
news
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 alerting the would-be offenders and helping
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 out of the bad idea of doing crime. To summarise, the tendency of the
problemmatic
Correct your spelling
problematic
 side of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 could act as an alert to the public and
deterrent
Correct article usage
a deterrent
show examples
 to the offenders, which can lead
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 to be more harmonious and comfortable.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Although your essay presents a clear position, ensure you develop your ideas further. Spend more time elaborating on key points and providing relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing paragraphs to improve coherence. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
language accuracy
Pay attention to language accuracy. Correct minor grammatical errors and improve word choice to enhance readability and precision.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states your position and attempts to justify your stance with relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good effort to provide clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, which help frame the overall essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tendency
  • news reports
  • media
  • focus
  • problems
  • emergencies
  • positive developments
  • harm
  • individuals
  • society
  • agree
  • disagree
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • distorted perception
  • reality
  • overlooked
  • overshadowed
  • negative bias
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • social progress
  • innovation
  • balanced reporting
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • holistic view
  • informed decisions
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