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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Someone says that job satisfaction is more important than job security, but others disagree. Discuss both views and address which one do you agree.

#someone #job #satisfaction #security #address
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According to
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 some,
job
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satisfaction
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 is far more paramount than
job
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security
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,
whereas
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 few folks oppose
this
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 view. In reality, it's quite difficult to get a sweet spot, where we can enjoy both these aspects.
However
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 given an opportunity, I would prefer
job
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satisfaction
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 over the other. But, I will analyse both these standpoints and provide
this
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 inference
at the
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end
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.
Job
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security
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 provides stability to
life
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. A person with a risk-averse attitude would choose a stable
life
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 over a high-risk, high-reward
life
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. With
job
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security
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, an employee can predict their expenses based on their regular income, resulting in certainty
at the
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end
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 of the month.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 regular
life
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 helps them to plan for their future.
For example
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, if a person knows their employment is secured, they can plan for their travels, medical treatments and even purchase properties.
Conversely
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, if regular income is not guaranteed, it creates unwanted anxiety at month's
end
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 and affects not only their morale but
also
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 their family's morale.
Thus
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, if someone is in the later part of their career and looking for certainty,
job
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security
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 is important.
On the other hand
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,
job
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satisfaction
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 provides inner harmony & a purpose-driven
life
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. A person tends to be highly efficient and productive when their
job
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 achievement is pretty high. They feel that they are accomplishing big and
hence
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, add immense value to their organization. In a recent survey conducted in many global MNC companies, many employees chose
job
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 gratification as their key driver to stay with the
job
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. A dent in
job
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 delight can hamper their productivity level in companies, which was quite evident post-pandemic, where many individuals quit jobs
due to
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 lower
satisfaction
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 levels.
Hence
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, if someone is adventurous and driven by purpose,
job
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 achievement is far more important than
security
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. So
to conclude
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, both
job
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security
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 and
job
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satisfaction
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 are mainly driven by the individual's mindset and needs.
Thus
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, In my opinion, I would prefer
job
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satisfaction
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 over a secure
job
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, as I want to feel accomplished when I return back to my home
at the
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end
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 of the day.
Submitted by nusramkumar on

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Task Achievement
An excellent approach would involve developing each paragraph with one clear main idea followed by expansion, examples, or explanations. This has been observed but further depth and variety in examples could enrich the discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Considering using a wider variety of linking phrases and discourse markers to improve coherence. This enhances the reader's journey through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Balance the discussion between views more evenly, dedicating similar space and depth of analysis to each side of the argument to ensure a fully balanced response.
Task Achievement
The essay nicely introduces both sides of the argument before taking a clear position, making it easy for the reader to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective conclusion that restates the writer's viewpoint, providing a satisfactory closure to the discussion.
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