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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a “fat tax” is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#effect #individuals #society #people #government #tax #foods #“fat #tax”
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Consuming unhealthy
food
 poses detrimental consequences on both individuals and their surroundings.
While
 some argue that it is the
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 responsibility to tax these
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 to help
people
 stay healthy, others say that
this
 method is unfair and unnecessary. I
Add a missing verb
am incline
show examples
incline
Replace the word
inclined
show examples
 to the latter
due to
 fast
food's
Change noun form
food
show examples
 conveniences. Imposing tax prevents citizens from consuming too much unhealthy
food
. The tax creates
financials
Correct your spelling
financial
show examples
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
,
makes
Correct word choice
and makes
show examples
 customers think deeply before buying
this
 kind of
food
, which efficiently leads to a considerable decrease in
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
food
 they
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
. One research related to
this
 topic made by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Boston
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 is a salient example. It showed that 80% of consumers
hestitates
Correct your spelling
hesitates
hesitate
on paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taxes sticking to their
food
, and complaints because
food
 is on
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 daily basis.
Although
 taxing unhealthy
food
 helps
people
 to choose healthier options, it is undeniable that fast
food
also
 brings enormous conveniences and is the best option in some cases, especially in
this
fast pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 life.
For instance
, workers from big tech companies do not have much time to rest during lunch.
Therefore
, some hamburgers or fried
chickens
Fix the agreement mistake
chicken
show examples
 is suitable for them because they supply them with energy and
delicous
Correct your spelling
delicious
 meals. With these
people
, taxing their favourite
food
 is tough since it is hard to find a replacement. In conclusion,
while
impose
Change the form of the verb
imposing
show examples
 some financial
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 on unhealthy foods benefits
people
's physical health, I believe that it is an
unappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
show examples
 decision when calculating their advantages that no other
food
 can be compared.
Submitted by 22028151 on

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Task Achievement
Try to spend more time on proofreading to correct spelling mistakes. For example, 'definately' should be 'definitely.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and stick to it without diverting from the topic.
Supported Main Points
Develop each point with more detailed examples or explanations to improve coherence and cohesion.
Complete Response
The essay addresses both views on the topic, showing an understanding of the question.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
The writer shows an ability to present both sides of the argument clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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