IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many residents living in villages are migrating to
cities
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, and because of
this
Linking Words
, populations in rural areas are declining. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development because a decrease in population leads to a lack of development in rural places and there would not be many youngsters to take care of the elderly members of society.
To begin
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 with, the major strength of any area is its
people
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; if they start leaving the area, it will be difficult to progress in terms of the structural and financial improvement of that place.
That is
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 to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
 when village
people
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 move to
cities
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, they will drain the power to enhance the state of the village.
For example
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, a village in Southern Italy stayed without infrastructural improvement for over a decade since most of its working-class citizens found jobs in
cities
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, many elders are dependent on their young ones when they cannot take care of themselves. Since most of the
people
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 who move to
cities
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 from less developed parts of the country are young adults, old citizens will be left to deal with their own shortcomings,
such
Linking Words
 as health issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Sri Lanka, during the financial crisis, over half of the rural youngsters came to the capital city to earn a higher wage.
This
Linking Words
 led to an increase in health problems in several elderly
people
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. In conclusion,
people
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 shifting to
cities
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 could cause the downfall of the development processes in the villages, and elder members of the family might suffer when they do not have their children to take care of them.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the main points could be more elaborated to add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to clearly guide the reader through your points. For example, use words like 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', or 'In contrast' to transition between ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples and explain how they support your argument. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea and that your supporting sentences directly relate to that idea.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question directly and provides a clear opinion on whether the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples that help support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well, and the ideas are presented in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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