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Band 6

Some people say that school education is not useful and the essence of study can be acquired at home. Do you agree? Why or why not? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

#people #school #education #essence #study #home
A controversial argument has arisen between two views, the first viewpoint claims that
schools
 are not important and pupils can learn at home,
while
 the other one disagrees with that. In
this
 report, I will go through both sides of
this
 conflict, and explain why I completely agree with the statement mentioned above. On the one hand,
schools
 do not help to teach students scientific subjects only, but they, indeed, teach them a variety of skills. For
further
 explanation,
schools
 are tiny communities that contain rules, a variety of spots, and various statuses;
hence
, it is an ideal
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to teach children suitable behaviours and how to deal with different people.
Additionally
, many parents admit that after attending
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, their children built many relationships even though some of them have social anxiety, so it is a helpful place to connect with others.
Besides
 that, many reports capture that students do not study at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
 because of having a lot of entertainers there
such
 as TVs, mobile phones, and games, so it is useless to study at home.
On the other hand
, going to school is time-consuming and there are a lot of alternatives.
For example
, a lot of smart students acknowledge that they understand quickly
while
 their peers need time in order to understand basic information;
as a result
, they prefer studying alone so that they can finish quickly.
In addition
, many learners share on social media that they do not understand their teachers' explanations, so when they go back
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home, they start studying the same lessons again which is boring and time-consuming. In conclusion,
although
schools
 are beneficial, they, indeed, lead to many negative consequences, and
that is
 why I completely agree with the statement mentioned above.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Working on enhancing the logical structure of your arguments can greatly improve the flow of your essay. While your main points are clear, they could be better organized to ensure each paragraph directly supports your thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Provide more concrete examples to support your points. While you have included some examples, such as references to social media and reports, elaborating on these with specific details will make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating your position on the topic and summarizing your key points.
Task Achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay and shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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