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Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Many believe that the vital aim of
science
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 should be to improve human beings'
lives
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,
while
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 there are some objections. In
this
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 essay, I will agree with these objections and explain them at my best.
Body paragraph 1
In terms of
human'
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life quality,
science
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 has been increasing dramatically in many fields
such
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 as medicine, transport, communication etc. Thanks to technological developments , we can afford so many various and quick ways of communication
instead
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 of writing letters and waiting for a reply in months like the old days.
Moreover
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, in the field of pharmacy, numerous methods were and have been invented in order to save people's
lives
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.
For example
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, illnesses like malaria or flu are not a problem these days because of rightful vaccines.
Also
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, during the period of COVID-19, our scientists created useful and perfect vaccines, so many
lives
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 were saved.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
science
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 not only improves people's
lives
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 practically but
also
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 intellectually and emotionally. Through scientific discoveries, we gain a deeper understanding of the world we inhabit, our place in the universe, and the intricacies of the human mind and body.
Furthermore
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, in the face of pressing environmental challenges,
science
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 is essential in finding sustainable solutions to ensure a balanced coexistence of humans and nature. Scientific research on renewable energy sources, waste management, and conservation practices has the potential to mitigate climate change and create a healthier planet for future generations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the most important aim of
science
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 should indeed be to improve people's
lives
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. As we navigate the complexities of the future, it is crucial to continue supporting scientific research and embracing the power of scientific knowledge.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that each paragraph centers around a single main argument, which is clearly presented and supported.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to back up your points. This can help to clarify and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure consistent use of subjects and possessive forms, such as 'human' to 'humans' or 'human lives' instead of 'human's lives.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The language used is generally appropriate and clear, aiding in comprehending the points presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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