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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influence
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One of the controversial opinions today is whether
athletes
 are a good influence on the younger generation.In my opinion, there are both positive and negative aspects to
this
 situation One of the main proofs of positive impact is the promotion of
sports
 among young people More and more young people watching the
athletes
 want to try their hand at it too
Furthermore
, by practicing
sports
 you build a strong and purposeful person. Growing up, children who have played
sports
 will feel much better and stronger than those who have never engaged in physical activity. Even jogging for 30 minutes every day can help the bodies of both adults and children feel better.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 professional
sports
 have a number of negative traitsThe biggest disadvantage lies in injuries. Often
athletes
 get injured in training, at competitions or during preparation for tournaments.And the more serious the injury, the more difficult it is to recover from.So is the risk of getting injured and having to leave professional
sports
. Another factor against
athletes
 is their promotion of pre-workout drugs.A young and untrained body, may not be able to tolerate the composition of these substances.Unfortunately, it happens that
athletes
 act as distributors of these substances, often without thinking whether they can be taken by the buyer. In conclusion, taking into account all of the above, we can say that there are both positive and negative aspects to
this
 situation.If one is aware of the serious consequences that
sports
 can lead to and is extremely careful, it can be said that
athletes
 have a positive influence on the younger generation for the most part.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Enhance examples to add specificity and more concrete evidence to support points. For instance, mention particular athletes who serve as role models, or describe specific incidents which reflect both sides.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing more sophisticated and varied sentence structures. This enhancement will contribute to a more fluent and natural style of writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to fully develop each point in separate paragraphs with appropriate linking words to improve logical flow and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both positive and negative impacts of professional athletes.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame the discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • determination
  • discipline
  • work ethic
  • community service
  • charitable activities
  • poor behavior
  • unsportsmanlike conduct
  • media scrutiny
  • public perception
  • materialism
  • physical and mental health issues
  • impressionable youth
  • high levels
  • pursuing sports
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
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