Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.
In twenty years there will be fewer
cars
in use
than there are today.
According to
statistics, the willingness of citizens to have a car
and travel by it even around the town is decreasing day by day. I agree that in contrast
today
, in twenty years we will see fewer Change preposition
to today
cars
that people
will use
. In this
assay
, I will discuss Correct your spelling
essay
this
theme with
two reasons.
Change preposition
for
Firstly
, access to other types of transport vehicles like airplanes
, trains and subways Change the spelling
aeroplanes
are
increasing. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For example
, air traveling
is not a luxury or expensive option anymore for those who want to travel even a short distance between cities. Replace the word
travel
Aso
, railway journeys are more comfortable now, conditions are better, more comfortable and budget-friendly. Correct your spelling
Also
Also
, subways that
survive many Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
in big cities by transporting from one point of the city to another point. So, because of these accessible, comfortable and affordable transport vehicles, people
prefer not to use
their own cars
.
Secondly
, nowadays, there is a worldwide problem that we hear often, sedentary
lifestyle. Doctors almost Correct article usage
a sedentary
everyday
warn us to have a more active life. Conditions in workplaces are getting more and more inactive. Replace the word
every day
On the other hand
, people
are getting wiser and they want to live longer, so they are trying to have a more active life. For example
, my neighbors
and I decided to walk to work Change the spelling
neighbours
everyday
and left Replace the word
every day
cars
in the parkings
. Correct your spelling
parking
Also
, my cousin decided to sell his car
, because he thinks
that having a Wrong verb form
thought
car
made him a lazy and obese person, who can’t
walk two streets away. So, to fight Wrong verb form
couldn’t
this
worldwide problem people
prefer not to use
their own cars
and we will see fewer ones in future.
In short, access to other types of transport vehicles like trains and airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
are
increasing. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Also
, people
get wiser to have a more active lifestyle, therefore
, the desire of people
to have a car
and travel by it either around the city or between towns is decreasing. It seems this
effect will take a long time. (325 words)Submitted by aksoysana on
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task achievement
You provided a clear stance in your introduction and conclusion, and your essay addressed the prompt adequately. However, make sure to polish the grammatical accuracy and fluency to make your argument even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, sometimes the points are a bit repetitive. Focus on making each paragraph distinct with unique supporting points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to correct minor errors such as 'Aso' which should be 'Also,' and improve phrasing like 'subways that survive many people' to 'subways that serve many people'. These small changes can significantly enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay effectively supports the main points with relevant examples, which makes the argument persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason, helping the reader follow your argumentation easily.
task achievement
Including personal examples like how you and your neighbors decided to walk to work, adds a relatable and genuine touch to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example