Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

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In twenty years there will be fewer
cars
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in
use
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than there are today.
According to
Linking Words
statistics, the willingness of citizens to have a
car
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and travel by it even around the town is decreasing day by day. I agree that
in contrast
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today
Change preposition
to today
show examples
, in twenty years we will see fewer
cars
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that
people
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will
use
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. In
this
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assay
Correct your spelling
essay
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, I will discuss
this
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theme
with
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for
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two reasons.
Firstly
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, access to other types of transport vehicles like
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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, trains and subways
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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increasing.
For example
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, air
traveling
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travel
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is not a luxury or expensive option anymore for those who want to travel even a short distance between cities.
Aso
Correct your spelling
Also
show examples
, railway journeys are more comfortable now, conditions are better, more comfortable and budget-friendly.
Also
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, subways
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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survive many
people
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in big cities by transporting from one point of the city to another point. So, because of these accessible, comfortable and affordable transport vehicles,
people
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prefer not to
use
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their own
cars
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.
Secondly
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, nowadays, there is a worldwide problem that we hear often,
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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lifestyle. Doctors almost
everyday
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every day
show examples
warn us to have a more active life. Conditions in workplaces are getting more and more inactive.
On the other hand
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,
people
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are getting wiser and they want to live longer, so they are trying to have a more active life.
For example
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, my
neighbors
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neighbours
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and I decided to walk to work
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
and left
cars
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in the
parkings
Correct your spelling
parking
.
Also
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, my cousin decided to sell his
car
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, because he
thinks
Wrong verb form
thought
show examples
that having a
car
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made him a lazy and obese person, who
can’t
Wrong verb form
couldn’t
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walk two streets away. So, to fight
this
Linking Words
worldwide problem
people
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prefer not to
use
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their own
cars
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and we will see fewer ones in future. In short, access to other types of transport vehicles like trains and
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
increasing.
Also
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,
people
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get wiser to have a more active lifestyle,
therefore
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, the desire of
people
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to have a
car
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and travel by it either around the city or between towns is decreasing. It seems
this
Linking Words
effect will take a long time. (325 words)
Submitted by aksoysana on

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task achievement
You provided a clear stance in your introduction and conclusion, and your essay addressed the prompt adequately. However, make sure to polish the grammatical accuracy and fluency to make your argument even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, sometimes the points are a bit repetitive. Focus on making each paragraph distinct with unique supporting points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to correct minor errors such as 'Aso' which should be 'Also,' and improve phrasing like 'subways that survive many people' to 'subways that serve many people'. These small changes can significantly enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay effectively supports the main points with relevant examples, which makes the argument persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason, helping the reader follow your argumentation easily.
task achievement
Including personal examples like how you and your neighbors decided to walk to work, adds a relatable and genuine touch to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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