Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

#twenty #years #cars

In twenty years there will be fewer

cars

use

than there are today.

According to

statistics, the willingness of citizens to have a

car

and travel by it even around the town is decreasing day by day. I agree that

in contrast

today

Change preposition

to today

show examples

, in twenty years we will see fewer

cars

that

people

will

use

. In

this

assay

Correct your spelling

essay

show examples

, I will discuss

this

theme

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

two reasons.

Firstly

, access to other types of transport vehicles like

airplanes

Change the spelling

aeroplanes

show examples

, trains and subways

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

increasing.

For example

, air

traveling

Replace the word

travel

show examples

is not a luxury or expensive option anymore for those who want to travel even a short distance between cities.

Aso

Correct your spelling

Also

show examples

, railway journeys are more comfortable now, conditions are better, more comfortable and budget-friendly.

Also

, subways

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

survive many

people

in big cities by transporting from one point of the city to another point. So, because of these accessible, comfortable and affordable transport vehicles,

people

prefer not to

use

their own

cars

Secondly

, nowadays, there is a worldwide problem that we hear often,

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle. Doctors almost

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

warn us to have a more active life. Conditions in workplaces are getting more and more inactive.

On the other hand

people

are getting wiser and they want to live longer, so they are trying to have a more active life.

For example

, my

neighbors

Change the spelling

neighbours

show examples

and I decided to walk to work

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

and left

cars

in the

parkings

Correct your spelling

parking

Also

, my cousin decided to sell his

car

, because he

thinks

Wrong verb form

thought

show examples

that having a

car

made him a lazy and obese person, who

can’t

Wrong verb form

couldn’t

show examples

walk two streets away. So, to fight

this

worldwide problem

people

prefer not to

use

their own

cars

and we will see fewer ones in future. In short, access to other types of transport vehicles like trains and

airplanes

Change the spelling

aeroplanes

show examples

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

increasing.

Also

people

get wiser to have a more active lifestyle,

therefore

, the desire of

people

to have a

car

and travel by it either around the city or between towns is decreasing. It seems

this

effect will take a long time. (325 words)

Submitted by aksoysana on Tue Jul 02 2024

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task achievement

You provided a clear stance in your introduction and conclusion, and your essay addressed the prompt adequately. However, make sure to polish the grammatical accuracy and fluency to make your argument even more compelling.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, sometimes the points are a bit repetitive. Focus on making each paragraph distinct with unique supporting points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure to correct minor errors such as 'Aso' which should be 'Also,' and improve phrasing like 'subways that survive many people' to 'subways that serve many people'. These small changes can significantly enhance readability.

task achievement

Your essay effectively supports the main points with relevant examples, which makes the argument persuasive.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason, helping the reader follow your argumentation easily.

task achievement

Including personal examples like how you and your neighbors decided to walk to work, adds a relatable and genuine touch to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

341 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects.others believe it is more importantto give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many governmants think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people ,however are equally important for a country Discuss both views and give your own opininion.

In many countries, there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of fifty. What problems does this cause, and what solutions could minimise the problems?

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?