Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged by some people that moral ethics need to be educated by the police,
whereas
Linking Words
others argue that families should take care of the behavioural education of their children. In my opinion, child development starts at the early stage in families and parents should be responsible for teaching what is good or bad,
in addition
Linking Words
, educational institutions should collaborate with them during the middle and high school stages. In the modern world, after experiencing various violence, more and more people request their local police department to arrange disciplinary courses for the younger generation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they would like them to take the responsibility of educating young people and changing their attitudes.
For example
Linking Words
, in the Russian city of Arsk, in 2011, after a crime committed by juveniles in the city centre, the domestic policy decided to provide theoretical and practical classes for the youth incorporating moral ethics and traditional values.
As a result
Linking Words
, statistics of the youngsters' crime rates significantly declined by 35% in two years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals' development begins at the family stage, inheriting all values and traditions from their ancestors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, during their student lives, schools’ pastoral care and well-being management system plays a vital role in fulfilling their behavioural needs and significantly improving their attitudes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Kazan, in 2010, one boarding school designed a student behaviour system to follow up on their progression and notify parents of any results.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents were in charge of conducting extra educational work at home like 20-minute conversations and active games to strengthen their relationships.
Hence
Linking Words
, pupils of the school graduated with outstanding results accompanied by exceptional etiquette. In conclusion, the modern community argues that the police should take action to teach the youth how to behave properly.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others, including myself, think that adults should be responsible for tackling
this
Linking Words
issue.
Submitted by gainutdin87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Ensure to maintain a balanced discussion by elaborating more on both sides of the argument. Currently, the second view is more detailed.
language
Some sentences could be split to avoid being overly long and complex, enhancing readability.
content
The essay successfully discusses both views and provides a clear opinion, ensuring a comprehensive response to the task.
structure
There is a clear and logical structure with a coherent flow of ideas, and appropriate examples are provided to support the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • educating
  • good behavior
  • role
  • primary
  • collaboration
  • well-rounded
  • education
  • enforcing
  • balancing
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • mentor
  • guidance
  • discipline
  • supportive
  • law enforcement
  • positive influence
  • legal authority
  • parental involvement
  • community-oriented
What to do next:
Look at other essays: