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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think that it affects the whole family?

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An escalating trend of both
parents
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 going to work has resulted in their offspring being taken care of by
grandparents
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 in their absence.
While
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this
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 phenomenon brings significant benefits for some family members, at the same time it could be disadvantageous for others. On the positive side, the involvement of
grandparents
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 in childcare can alleviate the financial pressure on
parents
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. With the rising living costs almost everywhere, it has become challenging for many families today to survive with a single income and to afford expensive childcare arrangements if they want to continue their career commitments. So, the presence of
grandparents
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, in
such
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 a scenario acts as a boon by allowing both
parents
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 to focus on careers, knowing their offspring are in a safe and supervised environment which
further
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 leads to greater financial stability for the entire family.
Additionally
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,
this
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 arrangement offers substantial benefits to children
also
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, as we know
grandparents
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, having passed through various stages of life, have a treasure of knowledge, wisdom and experience. So, their stories, life lessons can greatly assist young ones in learning about many moral values, traditions, and family history and
thus
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 enabling them to stay connected to their roots and eventually become well-behaved adults in the future.
However
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,
this
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 trend is not without its drawbacks and the most notable one can be a potential strain on the physical and emotional well-being of older
parents
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.
Since the
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The
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 responsibility of children especially young and energetic ones can be a daunting task for some
grandparents
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 who themselves are suffering from any health issues
due to
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 their age.
This
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 in turn can make them feel burdened and
thus
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 affect the harmony of the entire family.
To sum up
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, the involvement of
grandparents
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 in childcare certainly has noticeable benefits.
Nevertheless
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, the associated drawbacks are worrying and cannot be overlooked. So, the health and willingness of older
parents
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 must be considered before handing them over
this
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 critical duty of child-rearing.

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task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task and addressed different aspects of the issue. However, providing more specific examples to support your points would strengthen your essay further.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensible. Nonetheless, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use more linking words for better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability. For instance, mix complex and short sentences to maintain the reader’s interest.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that every main point is directly supported by detailed arguments or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and sets up the framework for your essay, which is very effective.
coherence cohesion
You have well-developed paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reinforces your stance.
task achievement
You have addressed both the positive and negative impacts of grandparents raising children, providing a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Generational gap
  • Cultural heritage
  • Primary caregivers
  • Modern parenting techniques
  • Family bonds
  • Emotional development
  • Social development
  • Role reversal
  • Physical demands
  • Mental health
  • Direct involvement
  • Missed milestones
  • Guilt or stress
  • Wisdom and patience
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