IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers. What is the reason for this? Is it a good idea to copy famous personalities?

Nowadays,
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have
clear
Add an article
a clear
show examples
 vision
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 they are following popular
charchericstics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
whom
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 attract groups of
people
Use synonyms
 especially
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 or
below
Correct determiner usage
those below
show examples
 18 years old. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the easiest age could be attract are the youngest
people
Use synonyms
.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
 reason, still they are
n't
Rephrase
stilln't
show examples
 educated well and difficult for them to recognize either doing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right decision or
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Personally, In my
perespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 must follow educated
people
Use synonyms
 like
scientifics
Correct your spelling
scientists
, experts and brainstorming thinkers.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is very important to follow the individuals
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have lots of knowledge and information because it will be more beneficial for their careers and lifestyles.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is extremely
taugh
Correct your spelling
tough
taught
 to develop the countries from all aspects by famous personalities only,
experts
Change the noun form
expert
show examples
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 engineers, doctors and
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of workers
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 an essential role to
enhence
Correct your spelling
enhance
 and build
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 basement to keep the country standing and
challenging
Wrong verb form
challenge
show examples
 all
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficulties
difficult
.
Finally
Linking Words
, wasting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time seeing
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some famous
people
Use synonyms
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to earn money against our values and principles. In conclusion, we must watch famous
people
Use synonyms
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 us useful information and share
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 about events happening in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Linking Words
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
, it is
Correct article usage
a crusial
show examples
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 thing that they
are respecting
Wrong verb form
respect
show examples
 each other without
interface
Correct your spelling
interfering
show examples
 the personal information about anybody. They discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
critical topics without
attack
Wrong verb form
attacking
show examples
 anybody else. Later on, young
people
Use synonyms
 can learn good culture and real ethics.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to carefully proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors and improve word choice. This will help in conveying your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows naturally from the previous one.
task achievement
Try to expand on each point with deeper explanations and justifications to provide a more thorough analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The importance of following educated individuals instead of just famous personalities is a valid and well-articulated point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emulate
  • epitomes
  • self-esteem
  • void
  • lifestyles
  • role models
  • inspiration
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • unique talents
  • superficial
  • material wealth
  • public image
  • personal fulfillment
  • ethical values
  • constructive
  • personal growth
  • values
  • philanthropy
  • resilience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: