The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The
internet
has undoubtedly brought significant convenience to our lives, but it also
comes with its own set of disadvantages. This
essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of the internet
, ultimately arguing that while
it offers numerous advantages, the negative impacts cannot be ignored.
Firstly
, the internet
has revolutionised the way we shop. Consumers can now purchase a wide variety of goods from the comfort of their homes. For instance
, through e-commerce platforms, people can easily buy daily necessities without the need to visit physical stores. This
convenience saves time and effort, making shopping a more efficient process.
Secondly
, the internet
has created numerous job opportunities. It has given rise to many new professions related to the digital world, Capitalize word
Internet
such
as online influencers and e-commerce managers. These roles not only provide employment but also
contribute to the economy by fostering innovation and entrepreneurship.
However
, the internet
also
has its downsides. One major issue is that it can lead to addiction. Excessive use of online games and social media can negatively impact one's life and work. For example
, many teenagers become so engrossed in the virtual world that their academic performance suffers.
Moreover
, the internet
can cause people to become socially isolated. Over-reliance on online communication reduces face-to-face interactions. A common scenario is family members sitting together at the dinner table, each engrossed in their own devices, leading to weakened familial bonds.
Lastly
, prolonged use of electronic devices can have adverse effects on health. Many office workers, for instance
, experience vision problems and neck pain due to
long hours spent in front of computers.
In conclusion, while
the internet
offers unparalleled convenience and job opportunities, it Capitalize word
Internet
also
poses significant risks such
as addiction, social isolation, and health issues. Therefore
, it is crucial to use the internet
wisely to maximise its benefits while
minimising its drawbacks.Submitted by 876764430 on
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task achievement
To elevate your essay to the next level, consider employing a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structure. This will enrich your analysis and make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
While your ideas are very clear, try to introduce more nuanced arguments or counter-arguments to show a balanced understanding of the topic. Your essay currently leans heavily towards presenting the disadvantages without fully balancing the discussion with the advantages.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transitional phrases or cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. While your transitions are good, a few strategically placed phrases can make your essay even more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present and wrap up the main arguments.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples to illustrate points, making the arguments more relatable and understandable.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized structure with distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This makes the essay easy to follow and understand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example