The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The
internet
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has undoubtedly brought significant convenience to our lives, but it
also
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comes with its own set of disadvantages.
This
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essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of the
internet
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, ultimately arguing that
while
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it offers numerous advantages, the negative impacts cannot be ignored.
Firstly
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, the
internet
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has revolutionised the way we shop. Consumers can now purchase a wide variety of goods from the comfort of their homes.
For instance
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, through e-commerce platforms, people can easily buy daily necessities without the need to visit physical stores.
This
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convenience saves time and effort, making shopping a more efficient process.
Secondly
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, the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
has created numerous job opportunities. It has given rise to many new professions related to the digital world,
such
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as online influencers and e-commerce managers. These roles not only provide employment but
also
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contribute to the economy by fostering innovation and entrepreneurship.
However
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, the
internet
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also
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has its downsides. One major issue is that it can lead to addiction. Excessive use of online games and social media can negatively impact one's life and work.
For example
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, many teenagers become so engrossed in the virtual world that their academic performance suffers.
Moreover
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, the
internet
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can cause people to become socially isolated. Over-reliance on online communication reduces face-to-face interactions. A common scenario is family members sitting together at the dinner table, each engrossed in their own devices, leading to weakened familial bonds.
Lastly
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, prolonged use of electronic devices can have adverse effects on health. Many office workers,
for instance
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, experience vision problems and neck pain
due to
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long hours spent in front of computers. In conclusion,
while
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the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
offers unparalleled convenience and job opportunities, it
also
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poses significant risks
such
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as addiction, social isolation, and health issues.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to use the
internet
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wisely to maximise its benefits
while
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minimising its drawbacks.
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task achievement
To elevate your essay to the next level, consider employing a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structure. This will enrich your analysis and make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
While your ideas are very clear, try to introduce more nuanced arguments or counter-arguments to show a balanced understanding of the topic. Your essay currently leans heavily towards presenting the disadvantages without fully balancing the discussion with the advantages.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transitional phrases or cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. While your transitions are good, a few strategically placed phrases can make your essay even more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present and wrap up the main arguments.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples to illustrate points, making the arguments more relatable and understandable.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized structure with distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This makes the essay easy to follow and understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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